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Searching for a Gentleman

Alison Peters

Women love it. Men were dragged to see it.

It's played and replayed on television and can somehow suck you into watching it again.

The Wedding Planner.

Toward the beginning of the Oscar-winning screenplay, actress Jennifer Lopez is walking down a busy street when her high heel gets caught in a manhole. A garbage dumpster races toward her when, just in time, Matthew McConaughey runs into the frame and sweeps her and her Gucci's away from danger.

According to Miami University senior Maureen Grady, chivalry isn't just for movie scripts and designer-clad starlets.

Grady said one morning she found herself in a torrential downpour in front of Bachelor Hall without an umbrella.

"A random guy shared his umbrella with me while we crossed the street, and he asked me how many classes I had that day," Grady said. "I told him I wouldn't be able to make it home until 8 o'clock that night, so he insisted I take his umbrella despite the fact that I did not know him and wouldn't be able to return it."

Grady said she jokes she is still searching for her umbrella hero on campus because he was "the man of her dreams."

Defining man manners

The word "chivalry" means different things to different people.

James Bielo, professor of anthropology, said modern chivalry can be defined as any selfless act or selfless way of thinking.

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"History ties chivalry to male figures of authority," Bielo said, "but today chivalry has lost some of its gender specific connotations, and I'm fairly certain I've witnessed female to male, male to male, or any combination of chivalrous interactions."

Dorothy Donahue, professor of women's studies, said she would define chivalry as an old code of behavior, although now Donahue said she sees it as gallantry between the sexes.

"In the Middle Ages, chivalry was a code of conduct with the goal to defend and protect social and economic culture," Donahue said. "Now, chivalry has evolved into more of a social code, although it may not be practiced to the same extent it used to be."

Campus gents-how gallant can you be in a baseball hat?

Growing up, senior Scott Dulany said he attended etiquette school-a norm for his hometown of Great Falls, Va.

"My grandma would probably hit me if I didn't stand up when a woman entered into a room," Dulany said. "Being respectful to people older than you, women in particular, has been taught in my family for a long time."

In grade school, Dulany said he remembers learning the foxtrot, the square dance and the long, white gloves his etiquette teacher, Lady Hodges, would wear.

"I think chivalry used to be more of an act, but has now evolved into a form of respect," Dulany said. "I'm glad I have those skills now but don't expect a guy to come riding up on a white horse every day."

Senior Patrick Riley said the majority of guys on campus would compare the beginning of a relationship to "courting" as the guy attempts to win the girl over. Riley said if a girl chose to switch traditional roles and be more aggressive, he'd be OK with that too.

"At the beginning of a relationship I would say that I pay for more meals and movie tickets," Riley said. "But if a girl wanted to pay for a meal or even ask me out before I got the chance, because it is not expected, I would take her offer and be flattered."

For senior Sarah Bingham, the atmosphere at Miami is different than at Vanderbilt University in Nashville where her boyfriend attends.

"At Vanderbilt, the door was always held for me," Bingham said. "But I feel like for chivalry, a lot depends on your location, like North or South and the feminist attitudes surrounding it."

Bingham said she thinks attitudes on chivalry don't change based solely on region but also depending on individual situations.

"If I wanted a guy to take his hat off during a meal, it would all depend on where we were eating," Bingham said. "If we were eating at some barbeque place then it's fine, but if we're dressed up and going out for a nice dinner together then a hat wouldn't even be on his head."

Grady said she believes some old acts of chivalry aren't necessary today, but when a boy does go out of his way to be chivalrous it is always appreciated.

"Very rarely would I want a guy to stand up when I enter into a room or run around to the other side of the car to open my door for me," Grady said. "None of these things are really necessary, but they are always nice and don't go unnoticed."

Clifford Evans, professor of social psychology, said if the situation were reversed and the girl ran around to the other side of the car to open the door for her male date, it would definitely generate some attention.

"Having a girl open a car door for a guy would definitely call attention to itself," Evans said. "We have cultural scripts for appropriate gender behavior and we generally perceive men as the ones who hold open doors for women, but times are changing."

Evans said modern technology is one possible reason for the decline of chivalry in today's society.

"I think the general familiarity with each other that is fostered by modern communication may be a part of the decline of chivalrous acts," Evans said. "Constantly keeping people informed breaks down our formalized rituals of behavior, but modern technology is not solely to blame. This has been a long time coming."

Chivalry: dead or alive?

Donahue said chivalry isn't one size fits all.

"I think in our culture in 2009, it should depend on the relationship between the two people," Donahue said. "If an individual prefers gallantry then that is their prerogative, but I don't think a lot of women believe that code is necessary for them."

When chivalry does occur, Bielo said it "restores a little bit of hope" he has in humanity.

"Chivalry can be anything from opening doors to picking things up for someone, but it's the more out-of-the-ordinary, unsolicited acts that make a bigger impact," Bielo said. "Even when someone leaves an article behind and a stranger takes the time to say, 'You forgot this,' (whether it's) something no one wants (or) a wallet full of money. Anytime someone does something unburdened by negative motives restores a little bit of hope."

Evans said when more men recognize woman as their equals, increased respect for women won't just be attributed to chivalry.

"Laying a coat down over a puddle of mud for a woman so she doesn't get her shoes dirty has the connotation of women as the weaker sex," Evans said. "For men today, it's less about being the model of chivalry and more about recognizing women as equals. This idea has changed over time and will continue to change."