The Miami Student Editorial Christmas List
(12/08/22 12:00am)
Editor-in-Chief - a new humor editor
Established 1826 — Oldest College Newspaper West of the Alleghenies
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Editor-in-Chief - a new humor editor
President Crawford dresses up as Santa at College Mentors for Kids Event, Asks Kids “How Are Classes?”
Dear Santa,
Hell is Real People Cancel Thanksgiving Claiming “ALL TURKEYS GO TO HELL”
Are you Miami University? Because I want to love and honor you.
Parents Find the Entire Cartel Hidden in Kid’s Halloween Candy
On Sunday, Sept. 25, six Miami University students were arrested for underage drinking, and if I had to guess, all six were freshmen. It seems the post-COVID college newbies have no understanding of how to avoid mommy and daddy getting a phone call from OPD their second month on campus. Since, clearly, you freshmen do not know how to stay out of the back of a cop car, I feel like I need to impart some of my wisdom.
Aramark Somehow Manages To Make Dining Halls Food Taste Worse Than Last Year
Post Malone Claims He Is “Better Now” After Being Discharged from the Hospital Due to Broken Ribs
It’s the second weekend of September; better known as the first NFL Sunday of the year.
To all those single pringles, looking to mingle: Worry no longer!
Why Dining Hall Food Is Giving Everyone The Shits
¡Hola amigos!
Amount of Disc Golfers Inhabiting Oxford Sparks Controversy Among Community
Dear Incoming Freshman Class,
DEAR PADDY: My girlfriend dumped me. She said I was always spending time with “the boys” and that I didn’t devote enough time to her. Apparently buying her juuls and White Claws wasn’t enough for her. She never understood that an online game can’t just be paused!
As my freshman year ends, I become a sophomore, or a “wise fool.” Allow me to impart some of my newfound wisdom.
It all started before I left for college.
1 The One From High School
Miami University really needs to step up its advertising game. It needs to be a little more realistic on what you, as an incoming first-year, are getting yourself into.