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Students returning from spring break noticed a major change on campus but many couldn’t quite put their finger on what was missing.
UPDATE: Miami University Eradicates COVID-19 everywhere except the classroom
I’m five weeks into my senior year. If I don’t get eight hours of sleep at night, I cry during my 8:30 class. I’ve started to think high waisted pants pulled just below my breasts are a good thing. By next week, I could see myself enjoying “Days of Our Lives.”
Miami man catcalls woman, she responds gratefully, “I finally feel seen.”
Sadly, this is not satirical. These literally all happened.
We at The Miami Student believe all majors to be equal. This is a work of satire. Mostly.
Dear single Miami boys,
My name is Kenna, and this is my real life story.
We met at Miami, in the symphony band. I played the oboe, very poorly and out of tune, and Beau played the trombone. I remember him vaguely from the class. I thought he was cute. He came to one of my Sketched Out shows and asked for my number afterward.
High School:
I know that right now, we aren’t at Miami, so hopefully these profiles of students you would’ve run into will make you feel more at home. Take a walk inside the minds of fictional, stereotypical students you’re likely to meet while walking to class.
I’d like to start with a blanket statement, something everyone should know: the ashes put on your forehead every Ash Wednesday are cremated Easter Bunnies from previous years, but the churches are too powerful to stop, and PETA can’t fight them alone.