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’Tis the season of Shamrock Shakes, the Irish and ginger appreciation, and of course leprechauns. Now, you might think that leprechauns aren’t real, but I’d like to direct your attention to exhibit a – a lucky charms box. So yeah, checkmate.
Congratulations Miami students, if you’re reading this then you’ve officially survived for a full month of the spring semester. To be quite frank (which can be difficult given that my name is not Frank) I wasn’t sure we’d make it this far. But here we are, so, I figured it would be a great idea to have a little check-in and chat with everyone about some things we have to start, stop, and keep doing as Miami students.
BREAKING: My single-AF heart on Feb. 14.
Suppose you’re like us, then you’ve come to realize that there’s a very real chance that you might go all four years without meeting your Miami Merger, or even a Tinder talking stage (aside from the time we got catfished by the people at Hate and Dishonor). Things have gotten so bad that the two of us have resorted to frequent cuddling and have a plan to get married (for tax purposes, we promise).
Hello Miami University students, my name is Bernard. I’m a squirrel here on Miami’s campus and before you ask, yes, I have been documented by @miamioh_squirrels, which honestly is really annoying because I can’t get a moment of privacy around campus.
Some of you may not know, but there’s an underground club not present at Mega Fair known as Miami University Middle-Aged Men Appreciation Club, MUMAM for short. I was recently able to infiltrate said underground club and gained some absolute PEARLS of wisdom. So without further ado, here are some of the best dad jokes that I heard while present, and a guide for when to use them.
Perhaps some of you have heard of the “Hawk Tuah” Girl. You may have also seen that she came out with a song to explain to her grandmother what exactly “hawk tuah” means.
Student discovers the final is cumulative and breaks down in King
Did any of you happen to miss the Solar Eclipse last week? Well no worries, here at the humor section we figured that there may have been a few too many darties and a couple of people who imitated the sun by blacking out, so we decided to provide a synopsis.
Do you remember driving into Oxford on an incredibly crowded day, struggling to find a campus parking deck and taking your exhausted self into Armstrong to begin the greatest of days: Make it Miami. We remember it vividly – little red tote bags, paper pamphlets that we never read, and a realization that Miami University was the place for us (it was the only school we got into, and we got waitlisted at that). But, we have learned since becoming full-time students that there were a lot of things we missed. Here are some sights that ‘Make it Miami’ students should look out for.
Senior prank goes wrong, 5 TMS seniors charged with arson
Humor editors break record long streak of not having a headline dump; no one notices
Have you ever wondered what other majors do?
Dear Diary,
Back in 2003, Starbucks introduced its first-ever pumpkin spice latte. While unknown at the time, this tasty twist would create the modern-day frenzy of ferociously feral and freakishly fanatical fangirls who post count-downs on their Instagram stories for the annual de-stemmed, sunset-colored, orange gourd coffee.
Are you a socially struggling first-year? Do you ever spend your Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday nights getting eight or more hours of sleep? Are you sometimes productive, or do you attend events put on by MAP or even your RA? Then boy have I got something for you.
This summer, The Miami Student conducted a very official survey to see what Miami’s incoming first-years were doing for summer jobs. Based on the responses provided that detailed the experiences of many incoming Miami students, I took a quick glance at the data and summarized the results below.
Student whose dad gave them a J.P. Morgan internship gets return offer after reports of ‘not doing anything all summer’
Love and honor ’em, or hate ’em, we all have to use the public bathrooms that Miami University’s wonderful campus has to offer. But which ones should you go to often, and which ones should you stay away from? We went across campus to find the best (and scariest) latrines.
As many of you probably know, Tuesday was tax day, the most wonderful day of the year.