This isn’t going to make me many friends here at Miami University, but I can’t seem to stop myself from being annoyed by the behavior of my fellow students. It seems like as soon as the sun comes out and it stops being 40 degrees or below outside, everybody comes outside and has a contest to see who can be the loudest and least mindful of others.
Yes, I realize the sun is out, but is it really necessary for you to lay out in your front yard half-naked? It’s not that I have a problem with people wearing whatever sort of bathing gear they want to wear — if you want to wear a Speedo at the beach, be my guest. That is the appropriate location for swimwear and people go there expecting to see more of their fellow man than anyone ever really wanted to. But there isn’t a beach in your front yard and I’m not expecting to see people rolling around in their tiny swimsuits on the grass while I’m walking to class. “But Alice,” you say, “I’m in my own yard. If you don’t wanna see it, then don’t look.” Fair enough, nearly-naked compadre, but if some guy takes a picture of you on his camera phone and posts it to Facebook, don’t come crying to me. And sometimes it’s not your own yard, it’s on campus — a place where people go to learn and not be blinded by your stomach.
However, this half-nakedness is not the least of my worries when it comes to living in Oxford when the weather is nice. Oh no, there are worse things afoot than that. For example, the competition my neighbors seem to be having that I like to call “Who Can Have the Loudest Party on the Least Likely Night for a Party.” Sure, the name’s not quite catchy, but it’s not half bad. Alright, I know the weather is nice and that drinking outside is way more fun than drinking inside — I mean, you can throw your empties into the yard, grill things while unsafely intoxicated and play loud music while standing inside a circle of tiki torches for so long that you’ll feel like you’re on an episode of Survivor. But have you ever considered how annoying this is for anyone who lives on your block and is not at your party? The street that I live on (and probably yours, too) has families living on it, elderly people and just plain normal human beings. These are people who have children and jobs — people who go to bed early. And there are also the people like me, who go to class and do their homework (most of the time) and need to sleep on Wednesday night, when you have decided to play “Teach Me How to Dougie” at full volume. And I know that you’re only gonna break break my break break my heart, but could you at least wait until the weekend to do so? Or maybe take the party inside when it hits midnight on weekdays? I don’t think that’s really too much to ask.
Last but not least, the yelling at people walking by thing has got to go. The other day I witnessed a group of “bros” out on their porch shout “ni hao” at a couple driving by because they appeared to be of Asian descent. Not only is this racist, it’s incredibly rude. I’ve had friends tell me that guys were sitting outside on their porches and rating the women who walked by on scorecards, as though they were in some kind of ridiculous 12-year-old’s cannonball contest at the pool. This is also incredibly rude, not to mention chauvinistic. I don’t know what it is about being male and sitting on a porch that makes you think that it’s okay to shout offensive things at people, but if you feel entitled to be doing so you are incredibly confused about your own importance.
So to conclude, Miami students, let’s try to be considerate of the people around us as human beings and not embarrass everybody by being ridiculous just because it’s nice outside and we’re old enough to drink.