(ANNA TURNER | The Miami Student)
Though Miami University has made great strides in its discriminatory hiring practices over the last several decades, there is still a glaring lack of diversity on campus in the area of faculty who identify as transpecies.
It may be a small minority group, but transpecies individuals, according to a recent poll conducted by a reputable news magazine, make up 4 percent of academia. Columbia University recently gave tenure to an economics professor who self identifies as a goldfish, and Ohio University's Dr. Twinkletoes, a feline-performing individual, has recently written a bestselling book of Shakespearian criticism through a socio-economic lens.
Where are our cross-species professors? Miami should create, if not incentives for transpecies instructors, then at least proper accommodations.
Most public universities have constructed species-neutral restrooms for the use of students and faculty who do not feel comfortable with the traditional, human-specific binary of public restrooms.
Also, there is no species-neutral housing on campus. For instance, individuals who self identify as dairy cows may be able to walk up three flights of stairs to their dorm rooms, but are physically unable to walk back down those same stairs.
Individuals of transpecies identification have much to offer our university in the way of diversity, yet services such as dining halls — which have adapted an oats and hay alternative in many other institutions — remain in the dark ages when it comes to awareness and accommodation.
The most important aspects of cross-species relations are acceptance and respect. Students and faculty must treat transpecies individuals as if there is nothing strange or different about them.
One common reaction to a self-identifying lion is to run away and be afraid, when in fact this is considered extremely offensive in the transpecies community.
The correct protocol when meeting a lion-performing individual is to shake his or her paw and stick your head in his or her mouth, far enough that the tip of your nose should be able to touch the individual's incisors.
These transpecies candidates are more than qualified to fill positions in the university. Ball State University faculty concerns chair and self-identifying labrador retriever Dr. Fido Furball was recently quoted as communicating that transpecies professors have the ability to engage students in ways that traditionally-bound professors cannot.
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Often, as Dr. Furball points out, alternative-species professors take classes outside for walks, runs and occasional gallops. This, according to Furball, cultures an environment of not only acceptance and fitness, but alternative learning styles. And, as many education journals point out, a change of scenery is likely to increase student interest by upwards of 15 percent.
There is no tactful way of recruiting specifically transpecies professors, but Miami must do all that it can. Incentives such as accelerated tenure tracks and treats for good behavior can do much in the way of encouraging diversity. Once we begin to foster an environment of transpecies acceptance on campus, there is no telling what our university will be able to accomplish.
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