I wake up each morning, rub my sleepy eyes and lay in bed wondering how it could've been different.
The combination of Greek letters that define me hang lamely on the wall of my apartment bedroom. Photos of lost sisters are wilted upon my bulletin boards. My parents are too ashamed to visit, in case their presence is taken as a faux mom's or dad's weekend. My brother won't even look me in the eye anymore.
But it's not any of these things, or the national headlines that were the worst part of my sorority being suspended from campus … it's Greek Week.
Eager members of the Greek community distribute matching jerseys and T-shirts to their brothers and sisters and strategize to create the strongest teams for each event.
Meanwhile, I lay in my bed ill with loneliness. I rarely leave my apartment anymore. Class is sometimes too difficult to face with the possibility of another member of the Greek community mentioning Greek Week.
It's all too painful.
Seeing painted bed sheets flowing happily in the wind screaming, "Good luck in Greek Week INSERT SORORITY/FRATERNITY HERE" triggers anxiety attacks cured only by eating my weight in food and reading collegeacb.com's commentary on suspended sororities at Miami University.
After my sorority was suspended, we decided as a group we couldn't bear speaking to each other anymore. How could we? Staying friends, let alone sisters, just didn't make sense.
Aside from the emptiness brought on by not participating in Greek Week, there is a pit in my stomach thinking of how I am not required to follow newly implemented rules suggested by the Greek Task Force.
Instead, I am alone.
No friends in sight — certainly no sisters.
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When I see someone from my sorority, we do our best not to make eye contact. On good days, we pretend not to know each other.
Here's what didn't happen with my sorority:
I did not create a group on Facebook inviting the girls in my sorority to order jerseys that boast our pride in our sorority.
There were NOT over 60 printed, and there most certainly was NOT a second group for those who did not order a jersey made that is currently working with University Tees.
Not one member of my sorority continued to involve herself in our philanthropy by joining a new student organization.
We did not make a conscious decision to stay friends and sisters regardless of our status at Miami.
The above are things we would never do.
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