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Cinci Rollergirls gone wild

Liz Caskey

The smell of sweat, beer and stale popcorn wafted through the air Saturday night as I made my way toward the Cincinnati Gardens arena. The sounds of barbaric hollering and rock music with inaudible lyrics flooded through the doors ahead of me. To say I was intimidated would have been an understatement. As the crowd blocking my entrance finally dispersed, I caught a glimpse of what was in store for me ... oh dear God.

Women the size of my truck-driving grandfather sporting mini-skirts, helmets and roller skates were circling the track in the middle of the arena, decimating anyone who got in their way - and this was still warm-ups. Crazed fans, with signs reading, "Cinci Rollergirls kill," filled the stands and erupted in cheers every time someone was thrown to the ground. It instantly became clear that I was not in Oxford anymore.

A league of their own

I stopped dead in my tracks, in awe of the foreign scenery. Suddenly, a beefy man wearing a black cutoff-tee that read "My wife can kick your wife's ass" slammed into me. The hefty blow jolted me out of my stupor.

"Move!" he bellowed.

I apologized and scurried out of his way. Looking around I realized that my temporary coma had left me abandoned by my father - the sole reason I was here in the first place. It had been his brilliant idea to have a "father/daughter bonding date" with his "favorite daughter." I, of course, am his only daughter. Yet, somehow the combination of guilt, free tickets, $1 beers and a dry spell in my social agenda convinced me to accept his proposal.

As I walked the perimeter of the track, searching for seat D7, I was floored by how many people actually turned out for the event. Before this evening I had never heard of the Cincinnati Rollergirls, yet it was evident their fan base is vast. Nearly 1,000 people attended, ranging from mohawked children to WASP-y adults and everywhere in-between. I was surprised to spot one woman in the stands decked out in David Yurman jewels with a new Chanel handbag perched upon her lap. Just as I was about to question her presence, she removed her Burberry jacket to reveal a tank-top that said "Beware of Daughter." I couldn't help but giggle with approval.

In just three years, these derby girls morphed from a beginner's local league to a full-fledged competitive traveling team. In 2006, Cincinnati became home to its first ever roller derby league, the Cincinnati Rollergirls. The league consisted of four home teams, the Bloody Sundaes, the Cincinnati Riots, the Dames of Destruction and the Full Metal Corsets. These teams played each other in various arenas throughout the Cincinnati area.

By 2007, the four league teams were condensed into just two, the Dames and the Corsets, and managed to find a permanent home at the Cincinnati Gardens.

The Cincinnati Rollergirls final overhaul came in 2008 when the league restructured again into two new teams; the Black Sheep and the Silent Lambs. The Black Sheep rollergirls are the all-star/traveling team who "battle" against leagues from other cities. The second team, the Silent Lambs, represent the reserve/alternate team. With a now established and successful traveling team, the Cincinnati Rollergirls league has grown in popularity.

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Though the atmosphere is entertaining, the Rollergirls are no joke. According to Dr. McDerby - yes, they only go by their Rollergirl names - practices are intense.

"We get together three days a week for two hours a night and have bouts (games) a few times a month," said Dr. McDerby, a member of the Silent Lambs. "It's definitely a time commitment, but the pay-off is huge."

Dr. McDerby has been on the team for two seasons and said joining was one of the best decisions she's made since moving to Cincinnati three years ago.

"I was new to the area and randomly saw a billboard for the Rollergirls when I was driving around one day," Dr. McDerby said. "I used to skate a lot as a kid so I went online to check them out and went to try-outs that weekend. The team camaraderie is amazing; they're just a great group of women."

One of the most unique aspects of the Cincinnati Rollergirls' league is that it is all self-run and governed. Sadistic Sadie, a member of the Black Sheep, is the league president and representative. The women also do most of their own fundraising work as a way to help pay for travel expenses and other fees. And, because the league is player-owned and operated, all Rollergirls are required to serve on a committee and attend league meetings.

"It's cool because all of these women have other jobs and other things in their lives so this is all done on our free time," Dr. McDerby said. "Even though we are all so busy, we are still dedicated to our team and our league."

Takin' Names

At last I spotted the face of my overzealous father in the stands, waving me over to him. A cheap beer in hand, he gestured to the open seat next to him and proceeded to give me a "thumbs up." This embarrassing action barely affected me given the overwhelming environment I was already in. I feared being recognized. A quirky father was the least of my concerns.

"Where'd you go?" he asked.

I nearly got annihilated by a tattooed 300 lb. Rollergirl husband.

"You exaggerate."

If only.

Suddenly the lights dimmed, halting our conversation about my near-death experience. The crowd quieted. Anticipation grew. At last a single spotlight shone in the middle of the flat-track. Curtains parted and fake fog spewed into the air. The announcer, a woman in a skin-tight dress, pink boa, stripper heels and a bottle of Jack Daniels in hand, bellowed over the loudspeakers.

"AND NOW FOR YOUR CINCINNATI ROLLERGIRLS!"

Like a dream, or perhaps a nightmare, they appeared. Donning black jerseys, old school four-wheeler skates and bad attitudes, the women circled around the track eventually forming a line on its boundary. Some of them were small and petite; others looked like they could eat a small child. If met in a dark alley, nearly all of them had the ability to make grown men cry. Needless to say, they were fierce. Mysteriously, my admiration for them grew.

"FIRST UP ... IT'S NO. 69 TO LIFE ..."

At the sound of her number a terrifying looking woman pushed out of the team's line and began to take a lap.

"... SHE'S DEADLY WITH A CELL BLOCK ..."

The crowd went into an uproar.

"IT'S CINCINNATI'S VERY OWN ... SK8 CRIME!"

Inappropriate nicknames?! I like where this is headed.

"NEXT UP IS NO. 44 REVOLVER ... HER HOBBIES INCLUDE BUTCHERY, BAKING AND CLEANING HER KNIVES ..."

My father was now on his feet, whistling and whooping like a seasoned fan. Luckily, I was much too preoccupied anticipating the next nickname to acknowledge my father's embarrassing spectacle.

"... IT'S CINCINNATI'S ... MIRDERHER!"

Oh, this is too good! And the names continued.

"HANNAH BARBARIC ... JUNE WITH A CLEAVER ... GEEZ LOUISE ... SISTA SACRALICIOUS ... CHERRY CHOKE ..."

I soon learned that this "nickname phenomenon" is not unique to the Cincinnati league. Every player, across the country, is required to have her very own roller derby name. The only catch is that it has to be completely unique. No repeats nationwide.

"I was agonizing over what my name should be weeks before my first bout," Dr. McDerby said. "I was asking everyone I knew for input."

A huge Grey's Anatomy fan, she eventually decided on Dr. McDerby.

"It's my ode to McDreamy," she said.

According to Dr. McDerby the names add to the showmanship of the derby, giving each Rollergirl a personality to play with. That became very evident to me as a leopard-print clad "Jungle Lacy" growled at the crowd and "Fight Attendant" pointed to the nearest exits as she took her intro lap. As I sat, taking in the roster, I couldn't help but brainstorm my own derby nam e. It would have to be something vicious, yet sweet; a common theme amongst the current team.

'Bout Time

By the time the introductions were over I had transitioned from utter mortification to genuine intrigue. My father, on the other hand, was now fully committed to becoming the official founder of the "Sadistic Sadie Fan Club." My mother would be proud.

It was at last time for the bout (or game) to begin. Five women from each opposing team lined up on the flat-track. Three blockers, one pivot and one jammer. The object of the derby is for the jammer to break away from the pack, which is led by the pivot, and then continue to lap them. Jammers score points by the number of people on the opposing team they pass. The beatings come when the blockers attempt to clear a path for their jammer by annihilating the opposing team's blockers.

I couldn't help but wince as people got thrown all over the place. There was pushing and shoving. They'd slam into one another, hit the ground and go sliding into the stands. Anytime a collision occurred the fans went wild. The bigger the pile up, the louder the cheering.

"I used to block out the crowd because they made me so nervous," Dr. McDerby said. "It's so funny to listen to now, it amps me up."

By the end of the three periods I was on my feet cheering on my Rollergirls. I was hooked. The audience's excitement and the Rollergirls' enthusiasm were contagious. My dad and I high-fived with every point scored, booed as our girls were sent to the penalty box and hollered when the bashings occurred. Forget baseball and football, roller derby had won me over.

After an outstanding Rollergirls victory, we finally left the arena and made our way back to the car. I knew I now had just one thing to say to my father, no matter how painful it would be. I couldn't believe it, but he was right. This was hands down the best thing I'd ever been to in Cincinnati.

"I knew you'd love it," he said. "Hey, if journalism doesn't work out for you, you could always be a derby girl."

Maybe he was right. Taking to the track in a mini-skirt with a crowd cheering my name, beating on people who got in my way suddenly didn't seem like such a bad idea. All I'd need is a pair of skates, a biker boyfriend and a killer alias. Perhaps I could be "Princess Lay-U-Out." I'd have a helmet with buns, and my force would be deadly. Forget grad school, I'm gonna be a Rollergirl.

*Be sure to check out the rollergirls website athttp://www.cincinnatirollergirls.com for bout schedules.


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