My mother called me the other day and asked what I wanted for Christmas. When I told her that all I wanted from my family this year was to help pay for me to study abroad in Acapulco for one week next semester, I realized that could be my one and only Christmas gift for the next five years. Because of this, I'm asking Santa Claus for a few things this year that relate to the sports world.
Knight Off: Santa, please give Bobby Knight just a few moments of peace this holiday season. Just because he isn't smart enough to do what all coaches at all levels do in the locker room doesn't mean he should be subjected to criticism for three days when he hits one of his players on the chin.
Let's not forget certain actions of a former college basketball head coach in the great state of Texas a few years ago. Dave Bliss at Baylor didn't hit his players, but he did ask his players to cover up a hit that one of his own players carried out.
One-way plane ticket: Santa, over the years sports figures have plagued the world with their exploits. I would argue that two of the worst are O.J. Simpson and Pete Rose. Every few years they pop up with something that the general public can barely stomach.
Can you, Santa, build them a house on the old Alcatraz Island and build a 100-foot wall around it? Just leave them there until they both die, at which time Pete Rose's numbers will then be inducted into the Hall of Fame.
No more European soccer teams in the NCAA: Santa, please can you make a trip to see the Oregon Ducks and Miami Hurricanes football team get rid of their uniforms? They aren't cool, they aren't New Age and they make us all want to throw up. All college football fans are just fine with the great uniforms of scarlet and gray, maize and blue, the white domes of Happy Valley, the golden domes of South Bend and the numbered domes down in Tuscaloosa.
Oregon and Miami are already making enough money off of their football programs.
There is no reason to feel the need to make 72 alternate jerseys when not a single one of them looks good anyway.
I want to throw batteries: Santa, I know this next one might be mean-spirited, but this it isn't just for me, it is for all Cleveland Cavaliers fans. They seem to be multiplying at a faster rate than the people who don't watch Cold Pizza. Can you make sure that Carlos Boozer is healthy when he returns to Cleveland March 17? The guy who hustled the Cavs' blind owner needs to be in attendance so he can get a rousing chorus of boos, the likes of which would give Albert Belle flashbacks. While you're at it for the Cleveland fans, can you please induct Art Modell into the Hall of Fame for the same reasons? I know better than to ask for a Cleveland pro sports team to win its respective league championship. I know you fly around the world and give gifts to all the children in one night, but even you can't work miracles.
Help the liquid water winners: Santa, I know that Miami ice hockey games are very well attended, and that is because the team has played with such discipline and sense of timing. They are awesome, but could you please alert the fans that we have amazing swimmers and divers too?
Our men's team won the MAC team title last year in the most improbably of ways and the women have won four of the last five conference titles. Doesn't the merit a little love?
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Thanks Santa, and rest assured there will be thin mints and chocolate milk waiting for you at the DeMuesy household in a few weeks.
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