Miami … Merged: It starts with friendship

In a world of romance novels, reality TV shows and love songs, expectations about college romance are high – only to be met with the dissonance of piles of homework, hook-up culture and Brick Street.

“Miami … Merged” was created out of this imbalance as a chance for Miami University students to meet new people and experience what Oxford has to offer, without the stress of asking someone out or the confusion of dating apps.

Three couples were matched up out of a pool of applicants based on simple questions such as majors, hobbies and interests, to more in-depth prompts like ideal types, if they like to talk during movies and who is willing to kill bugs.

The three dates took place between Mariza and Josh, Natalie and Christian and Jane and Maggie. Their love stories may not be long, but each gained different lessons from this experience.

The participants

For Maggie, it all started with a bet.

The first-year botany major, soon changing to emerging technology in business and design (ETBD), said she only signed up for the Miami … Merged blind date because of a bet from her friends.

“I’m not gonna lie, my friends were walking by and said, ‘You won’t do that,’ so I did!” she said.

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Some of Maggie’s favorite things include reading, playing Stardew Valley, painting and drawing, according to her application.

Maggie’s only listed type is a lesbian. In the interview, she said she’s looking for someone she can talk to; someone understanding, kind and an overall chill person. Most importantly, though, she’s looking for friendship, which she determined to be the basis for a strong relationship.

Jane, a sophomore majoring in ETBD, was encouraged to sign up by her two friends, who also applied “just for funsies.”

In her application, Jane wrote that she wants someone who is confident in themselves and, similarly to Maggie, particularly feminine. She also wrote that she enjoys photography, video games and reading.

Jane also expressed that she’s “tired of being the woman people experiment on.”

“[My dating history] with women has not been great,” Jane said. “... It's been more like situationship-type things where they just want to date me to have the experience of dating a girl and going out on dates with a girl, and girl-on-girl stuff. They're experimenting, pretty much.”

Both women expressed the red flags they have in relationships.

Maggie sees dishonesty as a blaring red flag and doesn’t believe in “icks.” Jane, who does believe in “icks,” doesn’t want someone who cares too much about dating to the point where they don’t have friends, or someone who chews loudly.

When asked if she had any expectations for the date, Jane said she hopes for a friendship and, “if a partner comes out of this, that would be beyond my expectations.”

“I’m a lesbian, and typically, females don't want as serious of a relationship with another female,” Jane said. “Typically, they just want someone to mess around with or just have as a friend. I feel like a lot of people in my age group aren't comfortable enough with who they are in their identity to want that serious of a relationship with a same-sex partner.”

Maggie said she’s nervous but excited because, coming from a small town, she doesn’t have a lot of opportunities.

“[I’m expecting] a fun experience, hopefully a second date,” Maggie said. “Hoping for a good time!”

The date

At 12:30 p.m. on a rainy Saturday, Jane and Maggie met at Calendula, a new restaurant in Uptown Oxford.

“It’s much fancier than I’m used to!” Jane said.

Maggie ordered a southwest salad, and Jane had veggie tacos with a “notably tasty sauce.”

Jane had a great first impression of Maggie.

“She was super nice, and I felt like our conversation flowed super well,” she said. “We have a lot of similar interests, which I think is good,” she said. “I loved her style; it was, like, boho and hard to describe. I feel like you don’t see that as much on campus – people just wear sweatpants, myself included.”

This positive first impression also included her reaction to their conversations.

“We went down a lot of rabbit holes about past pets’ deaths … I don’t know how we got on that topic,” Jane said, laughing, “[but] I don't think we really had any lapses in conversations at all.”

Maggie also had a positive first impression of Jane.

“She was very pretty,” she said while smiling.

She also mentioned that she felt more comfortable around Jane than she had expected.

“Meeting new people isn’t as scary as I think it’s going to be, because I was terrified, to be honest,” Maggie said.

After about an hour and a half, they exchanged phone numbers and went their separate ways. They messaged back and forth briefly after that, but were busy at the start of the next week.

“I probably will text her, because I definitely like her,” Jane said. “I’m the kind of person who needs to get to know someone more before I can be sure about feelings.”

Maggie also enjoyed the date, but had trouble envisioning what a relationship would look like.

“I think we were matched well, but matched better as potential friends rather than a future relationship,” she said.

Maggie also said that her identity as a lesbian requires her to be a little more introspective when dating.

“It’s a really hard thing when you are [starting to] go on dates with other women,” Maggie said. “It just is natural to immediately be friends.”

Even if she wasn’t sure exactly how she felt, she was happy she tried something new.

“I come from a very small town, with not a lot of people, so there weren't a whole lot of opportunities for me,” Maggie said. “This was something that, I want to say, broadened my experience, but I don’t want to say I just did it for the experience because so many things could have happened.”

Jane said the date also exceeded what she thought she’d get out of it.

“I definitely didn’t expect much going into it,” she said. “I mostly signed up as a joke because my friend sent me the link … Overall, my expectations were blown out of the water.

Participants rate the date:

Jane: 7/10

Maggie: 7.5/10

wahllm@miamioh.edu

stumbata@miamioh.edu