As someone routinely called “unc,” you could say I’ve seen a lot on this campus. And, given that I am now the highest authority of funniness at our god-forsaken university, I feel it is my place to list the funniest pranks I’ve seen thus far. So without further ado, let's get into it.
Calling ourselves a public ivy with a ~90% acceptance rate
Listen, I don’t care that COVID caused the number to spike. It is objectively funny that this was a thing. Anyway, I’ll stop beating a dead horse.
The dining halls claiming they have ice cream machines
Perhaps the dining halls, unlike McDonald’s, have fixed their ice cream machines. However, back in my day, it would be a cold day in hell if Western Dining Commons was serving ice cream. And don’t get me started on my favorite establishment – Garden. As someone who put on the freshman 25 (not joking) and has refused to get rid of it, you bet your behind I would’ve always been the first person in line to get a nice cup of swirl ice cream. Quite frankly, it would have been a necessity to deal with Michael Pattee's shenanigans on a daily – and nightly – basis.
That one dude who ripped the toilet out of Dodds
This one still gets me. The fact that a Miami freshman was, one, strong enough and, two, motivated enough to rip a toilet out of the ground is objectively hilarious. This completely real prank (not urban legend) was the basis of this article and continues to live in my head, despite the fact that I did not see the thinking stool thumper in person.
That one kid who sets off Havighurst’s fire alarm three times a week
Look, Havighurst Hall has its fair share of nicknames – and for good reason. However, I believe that their continuous run-ins with the Oxford Fire Department have to be planned.
Quite frankly, there is no conceivable way that the fire alarm is constantly set off by different people. Once you hear the story of how Brad didn’t put water in his Mac and Cheese, you would think that everyone else would catch on? I prefer to call this mischievous individual the Havighurst Heathen.
Me convincing my friends I was color blind for a month
Again, as this university’s token funny person, I have to give myself credit. In the spring semester of my freshman year, I convinced about 10 people in my dorm that I was color blind.
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In an impromptu conversation about whether or not color blind people should drive, I let them know that I do, in fact, drive. I was able to continue this charade for over 30 days, which included a campaign for our mascot to be changed to the “ColorAmbiguousHawks” and to make the login screens in computer labs a more accessible color.
Unfortunately, my cover was blown when I asked my friend to get me an apple in the dining hall, only to throw a fit when she came back with a green one (although, a pretty solid move on her part).
This is not a comprehensive list of the best pranks I have seen (I have personally done far better). However, it is my goal to make a list over the course of the year to make next year’s addition of this article much better. Sike!
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