The art of sleeping on airplanes

No one likes airplanes. They’re cramped, stuffy and there’s always a crying baby a few rows away. Recently, I had the distinct misfortune of taking a nine hour flight. During those long, arduous hours, I became a master at the single most important skill for frequent fliers: the art of sleeping on an airplane. I have detailed my techniques below.

1: The faceplant

Once you’ve reached cruising altitude, pull out that tray table in front of you and lay your head face down on it. Try to ignore the thousands of unwashed hands that have been all over the tray table and have some sweet dreams.

When you wake up, your neck will be stuck at a 90-degree angle, convenient for looking at your phone or staring at the ground as you walk to avoid eye contact with passing people.

2: The friend

Take advantage of being packed together like sardines for several hours with your fellow passengers and really get to know them. The quickest way to build intimacy with another person is physical touch, so cozy up – lay your head on their shoulder and fall fast asleep.

3: The floor

The hardest part of sleeping on a plane is not being able to be horizontal, so take advantage of the airplane’s largest horizontal space: the floor.

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As we all know, the airplane staff is here to serve you, so don’t worry about blocking the aisle by falling asleep in it, the stewardesses will just step over you. Bring a pillow and blanket (if you forgot a pillow, the life jacket under your seat is a great alternative), and settle in for the most comfortable sleep of your life.

4: The father

Take a leaf out of your dad’s book and fall asleep sitting straight up in your chair while watching the in-flight TV. This sleeping position is sure to have you jolting awake every twenty minutes and claiming you’re “just resting your eyes,” a fatherhood classic. Bonus points if you hold the empty plastic drink cup they gave you alongside your can of Diet Coke.

5: The carry-on

This one can be a little difficult, as there never seems to be enough overhead bin space in airplanes, but fear not. With enough dedication, and a true lack of any sense of shame, you can secure an entire empty overhead bin. While fellow passengers are boarding, defend your bin space by putting suspicious luggage in it – bags of unidentified liquid and old egg salad sandwiches are my go-tos – or simply stare people down when they approach you. Once everyone is boarded, climb up into your empty bin and settle in for the night. You might feel a little cramped, but the privacy of having your own little sleeping bin is worth it.

sullivei@miamioh.edu