Look, dude, I get it. I’m not here to judge – we’re all a bunch of sleep-deprived 18 to 22-year-olds running on ramen and adrenaline. I probably understand you better than most people on this campus (my previous aliases include That Girl Who Refused to Wear a Coat Because She Didn’t Want to Carry it Inside and That Girl Whose Hair Froze Because She Told Her Mom She Didn’t Need a Hat and Was Too Stubborn to Go Back and Get One).
However, all this doesn’t change the fact that you walked outside wearing shorts on a day when the windchill made the temperature feel like negative three degrees. My question for you is: Are you OK?
It’s one thing to wear shorts for the two-minute walk to the gym, but you were on Western Campus, making what can only be described as the most miserable trek across campus towards the academic buildings.
Did you lose a bet? Did you forget to do your laundry? Are you just one of those guys who thinks that wearing shorts when it’s several degrees below freezing makes you look tough? News flash: it doesn’t.
Whatever your reason for ignoring basic logic, you can’t keep doing this. It’s a bad look for Miami and college students in general when you turn up at McCullough-Hyde with a bad case of frostbite. Just watching you was like an icicle directly to the brain.
Put. On. Some. Pants.
Layers are not a hard concept – Shrek explained layers best. If you’re having trouble deciding what to wear, I suggest looking at illustrated children’s books. That should give you a pretty good picture of what reasonable attire during the winter months looks like. If you’re still having trouble, consult a roommate or friend.
As a general rule of thumb, ditch the shorts. Also, wear more than one layer on your torso. And for the last time, a sweatshirt does not count as a coat. Those are separate things.
I don’t know how much more clear I can make myself. If you continue like this, other people might start to think it’s OK, and then we’re really going to have a problem. If this thing catches on, I have to go back home and explain to my parents that it’s not every college student, and of course, I always make sure to dress according to the weather (no, mom, I was lying in the first paragraph; I always remember a hat).
Please, my guy, I’m getting desperate. You’re not Frosty the Snowman, so stop acting like it.
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