BREAKING: My single-AF heart on Feb. 14.
“Possessed by Kermit the Frog (voice)”: Google searches skyrocket after Patrick Mahomes’ postgame Super Bowl interview
Feminist pauses social media tirade about gender equality after checking prices on 12-rose bouquets
Valentine’s Day proposals expected to increase up to 80% in “border states” in response to ICE raids
U.S. fraternities lose $145 million after Saquon Barkley anytime touchdown doesn’t hit
FACT: Being funny does NOT get you a partner (Need proof? See humor section editor’s relationship statuses)
West Virginia receives moment of glory after Kendrick accuses Drake of liking miners
Hearing test appointments spike 400% after Kendrick Lamar’s halftime performance
Second-semester first-years claims to have “senioritis”
Those discord messages may not be as harmful to your future as you think: Musk hires teen DOGE engineer “Big Balls”
“Deep state” flabbergasted and nearly dismantled after shrimp treadmill experiments, the Sock Pairing Department and Federal Balloon Training Academy defunded by DOGE
In a new survey, 95% of couples report doing cardio “not at the gym” on Feb. 14
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Fraternity house stray Natty Light cans down 20% as new pledges assigned to clean up after brothers
Today’s forecast: 30 first years walking in suits while talking about our crappy weather
Humor writers blacklisted from jobs after recruiters find their article ranking toilets from two years ago
Punxsutawney Phil missing after predicting six more weeks of winter
Humor writers begged to get off their lazy butts and become editors, future of humor section in limbo
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By Teddy Johnson | 946 minutes agoMake sure to look both ways before crossing the street!
In the editor’s rotation: Songs for those going through it on Valentine’s Day
By Chloe Southard | 5 days agoDon’t worry — I see you. For this week, I’d like to give you some songs that are the antithesis of Valentine’s Day. Consider it a little gift from me to you.
Staff picks: Our favorite ships
By Staff Report | 6 days agoValentine’s Day is here, and in the spirit of the holiday, we at The Miami Student have decided to share some relationships in the media that we love to love.