College is supposed to be the best four years of your life, right? At least that’s what every movie, well-meaning relative and overly enthusiastic orientation leader insists. They paint a picture of midnight pizza runs with your best friends that you meet after the first couple of weeks, road trips with your ride-or-die squad and endless group selfies captioned, “BFFs Forever.” But what happens when the relationships you form feel more like a chore than a celebration?
Let’s talk about fake friendships – those surface-level connections that leave you questioning why you ever exchanged Snapchat usernames in the first place. The ones that thrive on convenience, proximity or shared class schedules but crumble the moment real emotions or effort come into play. It’s time to break free from these emotional placeholders and reclaim your energy for meaningful connections and personal growth.
The anatomy of a fake friendship
Fake friendships aren’t always obvious at first; they often masquerade as genuine relationships. You meet someone during your first week of college, bond over how much you both miss your dogs and suddenly you’re having lunch together every day.
But soon, you notice the cracks: They only text when they need help with homework. Conversations feel one-sided – you’re the listener, not the participant. They’re flaky, showing up when it’s convenient for them and ghosting when you need support.
These relationships can feel like emotional quicksand. They drain your energy, time and sometimes even your confidence. You might stick around out of fear of loneliness, thinking, “At least I have someone, right?” Spoiler alert: You deserve so much better than someone.
Why we fall into the trap
College is a breeding ground for superficial connections. You’re thrown into an entirely new environment, and the pressure to find your people can be overwhelming. Everyone’s in survival mode, clinging to anyone who seems remotely compatible.
Then there’s the allure of convenience. Fake friendships are easy. You sit next to them in class, live down the hall or have a mutual hatred for that one professor who assigns 10-page papers over the weekend. The proximity creates an illusion of closeness that’s hard to see through at first.
Let’s not forget social media. Nothing screams “Look, I’m thriving!” like a photo dump of brunch outings and tailgate parties. It’s tempting to keep up appearances, even if those kinships feel as hollow as a Halloween pumpkin on Nov. 1.
The pain of betrayal
It’s one thing to recognize a fake affinity early on. It’s entirely different when someone you thought was genuine turns out to be just another placeholder. That kind of betrayal stings in a way that’s hard to put into words. You might feel shame for trusting them, guilt for not seeing the signs sooner and an overwhelming sense of loss for what you thought the friendship was.
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The hardest part is reconciling the person you thought they were with the reality of who they turned out to be. But it’s important to remember: Their behavior says more about them than it does about you. Feeling hurt doesn’t make you weak –it makes you human.
Reclaiming your energy
Breaking free from fake kinships doesn’t mean you have to ghost everyone who mildly annoys you. It’s about recognizing who adds value to your life and who doesn’t. Here’s how to start:
Take a friendship inventory: Who makes you feel seen, heard and valued? Who leaves you feeling drained or unimportant? Be brutally honest. Friendships are supposed to be mutual investments, not an emotional “I owe you”.
Set boundaries: If a relationship feels one-sided, it’s OK to pull back. You don’t always need to cut ties dramatically, but you can stop overextending yourself – let them meet you halfway or not at all.
Invest in meaningful connections: Join clubs, attend campus events or strike up a conversation with someone who shares your interests. True friendships often form in spaces where you’re your most authentic self, not just the dorm hall.
Learn to love your own company: It’s better to have a Friday night to yourself than to spend it with people who make you feel lonelier than actually being alone. Take yourself out for coffee, binge-watch your favorite show or journal your thoughts. When you’re comfortable with solitude, you’re less likely to settle for subpar relationships.
Don’t confuse quantity with quality: It’s easy to envy the person with 20 people in their friend group chat. But the real gold lies in those one or two friends who know your Taco Bell order by heart and can tell when something’s wrong just by your texting style.
The final word
Breaking free from fake friends isn’t easy, especially when you’re in a culture that glorifies constant socialization. But trust me, the peace and joy of real connections are worth the temporary discomfort. College is too short to spend with people who don’t appreciate the amazing, complex and quirky person you are.
So here’s your permission slip to let go of friendships that don’t serve you. Reclaim your energy, invest in yourself and open the door to connections that light up your world. As cliche as it sounds, the right people will find you when you’re busy becoming the best version of yourself.
Anastasija Mladenovska is a third-year political science, accounting and Russian, East European, and Eurasian studies triple major from Macedonia. She is involved with the Honors College and is a resident assistant. She also volunteers for the League of Women Voters of Oxford.
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