This article has a companion piece which can be read here.
To be clear, I’m not some monster who hates Thanksgiving. I just think, as far as holidays go, it’s a vastly overrated one, protected by a few diehards armed with the same predictable defenses. My dad is one of those diehards. So is Sam Norton, my opinion editor and boss. Hell, maybe some of you are Thanksgiving-lovers yourselves.
But I want to prove once and for all that Thanksgiving, for better or for worse, is an undeniably mid holiday.
The first protest against my dislike for good ol’ Turkey Day is always the turkey itself. “How could anyone dislike Thanksgiving dinner?” cry the angry masses, presenting their various culinary traditions. Well, the answer is that the food is just gross.
Let’s ponder the main Thanksgiving Day food groups and consider this: Turkey is the worst meat known to man, nothing should ever take the form of a casserole, pumpkin desserts are simply nasty and nobody actually likes cranberry sauce or stuffing (if you claim you do, please seek professional help, you may have Stockholm Syndrome).
When I point this out, the fanatics brush it off and claim that I’ve just never had a good Thanksgiving dinner, and if I’d simply try their Meemaw’s secret stuffing recipe, I’d become a convert.
The thing is, my dad is a classically trained chef who has worked at Michelin Star-rated restaurants in New York City. I promise you he knows how to cook. The food is just mid.
Beyond the food, there is the spirit of Thanksgiving. Haters will insist that I must be an ungrateful person who despises unity, right? And sure, I’d agree that if you’re going to pick the best part, giving thanks is the only redeemable thing about the day. But to say that it’s this beautiful holiday about coming together? That might be a stretch.
Between the passive-aggressive remarks with extended family about our nation’s president-elect, the stuffy clothes and constantly defending my right to be an English major, I’m just looking forward to when I can change into sweatpants and watch rom-coms with my mom.
Let’s look deep within ourselves. How many of us truly sit through all of Thanksgiving and never once doubt the sanity of those gathered?
Look, I’m not an emotionally stunted being. I can (and do) express my gratitude and love to others regularly. If you need a dedicated holiday to do that, maybe revisit the above comment about seeking professional help.
And finally, we have the entertainment. Your options are a parade (which lost its appeal around the age of five), the world’s most boring dog show or football (which you can watch literally almost every day of the week).
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If you like those things, then great! I’m not going to judge your weird obsession with rating inbred poodles or lip-synching B-list celebs. But let’s not pretend we are waiting on the edge of our seats for the inflatable Snoopy.
I could go on, but I’m short on time and losing steam. Clearly, I’m miserable: I’m a college kid in November. I want to go home so badly, it’s not even funny. And I really am looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with my loved ones, even if my dinner consists of green beans and rolls.
I guess what I’m trying to say is whether you love Thanksgiving or hate it, I hope you have a good one.
Parker Green is a first year English literature and strategic communications major. She’s a tour guide and member of several student organizations, including The Student. When Parker isn’t doing academic or extracurricular work, you can usually find her reading or having a movie night with friends.
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