Teddy – Moo Deng the pygmy hippo
If you do not know who Moo Deng the baby hippo is, then I pity you. Please search Moo Deng on Instagram and prepare to feast your eyes on the plumptious rolls and dramatic expressions of the internet’s biggest star (and I mean THICCEST).
I’ve never felt so connected to an animal in my life. Her facial expressions are more dramatic than me when I stopped talking to my last situationship.
For example, Moo Deng bites her caretaker then runs away to her mom whenever she is annoyed. Similarly, when I find out my class crush has a boyfriend, I search for the nearest telephone pole I can run my car into. I will be buying a Moo Deng T-shirt and hippo ears for my costume in hope that a sexy zookeeper will come by to check me out.
Connor – Princess Buttercup
What could be better than crossdressing for the first time in your life, as a princess you’ve never heard of before? My friends convinced me, in a completely sober state, that I should dress up in a pretty red dress and sashay through the streets of Oxford. I will be rocking my friend’s dress like nobody has before, and I’ll be damn proud when I do. I may also find a gold sash to wear, and steal borrow some jewelry from a jewelry store my friend.
I want to take this opportunity to apologize in advance for being the prettiest princess this Halloween. It’s not your fault I’m this stunning and awesome. Just try to enjoy the holiday; It will make it much better.
I’ve never worn a dress before, so I’m hoping the people of Oxford realize that such a pretty princess look can be executed by an ever-cute man. I’ll need to be able to explain to my parents why I’m looking strong and sexy in my dress. Having a proper female companion gives me…. plausible deniability.
Michael – Ace Ventura
Have you ever wanted to solve the case of a missing dolphin? Stop the attempted murder of Dan Marino? Take a spear to each thigh fighting against a South American warrior? Ruin a wedding by doing the horizontal monster mash with a tribal chief’s daughter? Then the simple solution is to be Ace Ventura (Pet Detective).
Now it’s true that by dressing up as Ace, I won’t actually have done any of those things. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t claim I’ve done them! Drunk people will believe anything. And when I manage to run away screaming in fear from… I mean, fumble five women who are interested in me after listing my (Ace’s) accomplishments, who will be laughing then?
Actually… don’t answer that, please. Anyways, my point is, if you’d like to parade around as someone much cooler than yourself and don’t have someone to do a “cute” couples costume with, then put five pounds of gel in your hair, learn how to say “allllllllrighy then,” throw on a Hawaiian shirt and join me as Ace Ventura.
Enjoy what you're reading?
Signup for our newsletter
Shannon – Duck from “The Duck Song”
I’ve always thought it would be cool to have a theme song. Call me crazy, but there’s nothing more fun than getting your own fanfare everytime you walk into a room. The closest I’ve ever come to that is probably my brother singing 1-800 ads when I was little. In honor of this lifelong dream, I decided to find a costume that would allow me to wander campus all day blasting a sick tune.
What better music to accompany my daily trek across campus than the infamous “The Duck Song?” Every time I hear “a duck walked up to a lemonade stand,” I’m instantly transported back to a crisp autumn day, circa 2014, when someone managed to convince my teacher to pull up YouTube and watch the magnificent nonsense play out on a big screen.
All I had to do to create this costume was hop online, order a duck onesie and pick up a bag of grapes at Kroger (so I can have a little snack for my classes).
Read More
Re: Your Employment at Miami
By Shannon Mahoney | 3 days agoA letter from Workday detailing how easy becoming a student employee is.
