I love horror movies, but my anxiety doesn’t

It was a Friday night in September when the movie theater lights began to dim. I was in sixth grade on my first-ever date. It was the release day of Stephen King’s “It” (2017), and I had never seen a horror movie before. I was nervous, scared of both a newly budding relationship and how I’d react to scary movies.

The screen lit up as the opening scene of “It” started. I watched as little Georgie failed to save his makeshift paper boat from sailing straight down the storm drain. Fear shot through my nerves as I jumped, startled by Pennywise emerging from the storm drain’s darkness. I hid behind my hands, much to my date’s amusement, as the clown revealed his sharp teeth, digging deep into the young boy’s arm like a ravenous animal.

I sat in awe for the next two hours and 12 minutes, surrounded by screams, cheers and laughter, the usual ambiance of a packed movie theater on release night. As the movie came to a close, the famous IT title appeared, and I listened as the audience screamed in excitement as the words “Chapter One” appeared, implying the later release of Chapter Two, which came in 2019.

The lights finally came on. I heard the squeaking of chair leather and the shuffling of attendants leaving the theater, but I couldn’t pull myself to stand. I was stuck, staring at the screen, eyes wide and my jaw gaping, completely flabbergasted by the experience I just had.

Seven years later, the impact of that movie still lingers, now my favorite of all time. I had no idea how much influence a movie could have on a person until that night. I embarked on a journey, seeking out as much horror media as possible. That movie single-handedly changed the way I looked at and consumed media.

It has also slowly worsened my anxiety and changed my view on life.

The more horror content I consumed, the more I found myself worrying about things I hadn’t before. What if I get a letter coated with anthrax? What if my DoorDash driver drugs my food? What if someone starts stalking me by combing through my online presence and finds out everything about my life?

I’ll admit the last one is a bit of a stretch, but it still nags at the back of my mind. Over the years, I’ve started avoiding certain topics in horror and losing the ability to stomach things I used to embrace.

I’ve never enjoyed excessive gore, but I could at least take a glance at the screen when I first started watching horror movies. Now, I can’t handle watching someone get stabbed or a huge CGI puddle of blood on the ground. You’ll never find me watching the “Terrifier” movies for that reason.

Not only do I avoid excessive gore movies, but I also avoid anything involving home invasions or unnecessary violence against children. The premise of “The Strangers” or “The Purge” feels too realistic: masked criminals targeting individuals in their homes. These fears were also encouraged by my introduction to true crime shows and documentaries, such as “Criminal Minds.”

I also can’t stomach creepy, distorted faces. I recently made my roommate watch “Skinamarink” with me, a movie I started months ago and couldn’t finish by myself because I got too freaked out.

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“Skinamarink” leans heavily into the suspense aspect of horror and scares the audience with anticipation, making you think a jumpscare will occur only for nothing to happen. Oftentimes, the movie is silent except for loud static or white noise, with the occasional voice appearing out of nowhere.

My roommate found it quite boring because there were no major jumpscares. She scrolled on her phone for most of the movie, only glancing up to make snarky remarks. I, however, hid behind my pillows with tears streaming down my face as a creepy, featureless face appeared through the static, whispering strange phrases.

Despite all this increased anxiety, I continuously add horror movies to my watchlist. I feel a constant back and forth between quelling my anxiety and entertaining myself for a few hours. I’m typically able to rationalize and tell myself that whatever is happening on the screen is highly unlikely to happen in real life, but the thought always creeps into the back of my mind.

Nonetheless, horror movies continue to win me over again and again. I’ll still count down the days till the next Neon, Blumhouse or A24 movie is released. Horror will always be my favorite genre, even if I have to hide behind my hands for most of the movie.

powerstj@miamioh.edu

Taylor Powers is a sophomore double majoring in journalism and media and communication. She is the assistant opinion editor for The Student and edits for The Miami Student Magazine. She’s also a PR chair for Miami Dance Corps.