Summer Camp shenanigans

For some people, spending their summer interning is the way to go. For others, traveling home and finding work provides the best experience. But for a select few psychopaths, like myself, we head to summer camp.

Working as a summer camp counselor can be summed up as the hardest job you’ll ever love. I worked at two summer camps this summer and at one of those camps, I worked with teens from the age of 13 to 16 for eight weeks.

It is an incredibly difficult job but hard to put into words how rewarding it is. In the moment, some of the challenges we camp counselors face seem like the end of the world. But looking back on it, I cannot help but laugh at how crazy some of my stories are.

First, I would like to share the story of the Grimace Shake. For those of you who don’t know, the Grimace Shake is a purple milkshake named after that creepy purple McDonald’s mascot.

However, my campers created their own version. So unbeknownst to me, these 13 and14-year-old boys crafted a concoction of shampoo, hot sauce, urine and who knows what else into a bottle.

While I was on my day off, an altercation occurred. One camper got mad at another and decided it would be a good idea to weaponize the Grimace Shake. He poured the shake on someone else’s bed and clothes. To this day I genuinely do not know why this happened. I think the kids who were a part of this don’t even know why they did it. I love my job!

Second, there seemed to be a fair share of injuries this summer, none of which happened to me. It is just odd that injuries like this actually occurred.

Injury 1: Toyota 4Runner slams robin

You know when you are driving a car and there are birds in the road? And they always flap their wings away to escape a gas-guzzling piece of machinery? One unfortunate bird didn’t make it in time and met the windshield of my car at 60 mph.

I was in my car with my fellow counselors (who happened to be from Ireland) and one of them says, “Holy fookin shite thars a bard on yer windah.” So I pulled off to see a robin with a broken neck, hanging on to dear life on the side of my windshield.

The robin chirped out in pain, we knew it was not going to make it. As we debated whether to run it over and put it out of its misery or wait it out, the poor bird took its last breath.

Naturally, we held a brief roadside funeral service which included a rendition of ‘taps’ and farewell salutes before continuing down the road.

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Injury 2: Edwina Scissorhead

While I was not a part of this incident, it still deserves to be brought up because of how wild it was. Out of nowhere, my friend tells me that one of her campers got scissors stuck in her head.

A girl was tossing scissors to her fellow camper and they literally got stuck in her head and could not be taken out. You may be thinking, “Well yeah of course if you throw scissors they could get stuck in your head.”

But here is the crazy part: The girl who tossed them was between the age of eight and 10. You read that right, age eight to 1o. How is this possible? No way a girl that young would be strong enough to get scissors stuck in someone’s head.

So it turns out that the scissors got stuck in the girl’s nasal cavity and missed her skull by one centimeter. The scissors hit the exact spot so precisely that they punctured her head. What are the odds of this happening? I gotta think one in a million.

One last story for you. Teens are rebellious and like to bend the rules. We have all been there. Sometimes the teens at this camp like to sneak out at night and maybe meet up with a significant other.

One night, I went into our cabin to see an empty bunk. I checked all the other bunks to see if he switched with someone or decided to move into a new bed. He was gone. I tell my co-counselor who then runs to the camp office to tell our boss we are missing a camper.

He then organizes a search party, scavenging throughout camp for any sign of him. Nothing. We looked in other cabins. At the activity areas. The dining hall. The rec hall. Still nothing.

Finally, we decided to check our cabin one more time. Searching and searching and searching. Nothing. As I am about to walk out of the cabin and report to my boss, I see a sleeping bag on the floor but no person.

Then I walk closer, to see the camper’s head popping out of the sleeping bag, sound asleep. He was in such an awkward spot in the cabin that we didn’t see him anywhere. At least he was safe.

To say summer was full of shenanigans would be an understatement. Being a camp counselor is the best job in the world with incredibly valuable experience. It truly is the hardest job you’ll ever love.

john1595@miamioh.edu