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Miami pet peeves: I love it when…

Certain people at this school really grind my gears, so much so that they created new pet peeves for me that I didn't even know existed! I LOVE when people do THESE  things! Prepare yourself for some serious passive aggressiveness. 

I love it when … I’m walking around Oxford and people yell something at me from their car. 

People who yell something at me from their car are probably the coolest and funniest people on campus. Whatever unintelligible phrase they yell at me instantly boosts their coolness by at least 10%. If they do this in front of friends, it's definitely not to boost their ego or because of how insecure they are. No, no, they will instantly be top of the food chain in Oxford’s social hierarchy, followed by humor editor(s) and opinion/greenhawk editor(s).

Sarcasm aside, I feel bad for these people because they genuinely think I understand what they are saying when they move past me at 30 miles per hour. That Farmer School of Business education is really paying off!

I love it when … loud trucks drive down High Street at 12 a.m. on a Friday night.

These people are on another level. It's hard to put into words how cool these people are. Their lifted trucks and deafening muffler make everyone turn and stare! Not because they were trying to have a conversation when it was interrupted by the most annoying sound known to man, but because the louder the truck, the cooler the person.

Imagine how cool you have to be to ride down a street in the middle of nowhere to impress every person within sound radius of that mechanical monster you call, “my truck.” They definitely aren’t trying to compensate for anything. 

I love it when … people at the Rec ask me how many sets I have left.

I definitely do not feel rushed during my workout after being asked this question. Workouts are so much better when other people are concerned for my physical health and making sure that I am doing enough workout sets. It really motivates me to go back to the Rec everyday.

Sike.

Why do you care how many sets I have left? Are you my coach? Oh, you want to use the machine when I’m done? Great. Ask if you can use it when I’m done, then I’ll save it for you. It's so much fun being stared at by you while you wait for me to finish. I’m genuinely honored.

I love it when … Uptown is trashed after the weekend.

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After long weekends, Uptown is NASTY. It smells like a dump and litter is everywhere. As a camp counselor, I have seen some litter filled spaces and cleaned up some pretty disgusting messes. But living Uptown makes me think otherwise. 

It smells worse than how those stupid lifted trucks riding Uptown sound and it's kind of embarrassing that 18 to 22 year olds can’t clean up after themselves. So do everyone a favor and pick up yo shiiiii. 

I love it when … the Oxford or Miami Parking Police ticket me.

Finding a parking space in Oxford is already hard enough. But, the parking gods decided to challenge me even more and my quest for parking strength. In the calendar year of 2024, I have had five or six tickets from these bastards. 

They even got me for not parking close enough to the curb. Shoutout Oxford officer 122 for whipping out their tape measure and emailing me a pic of how far my tire was from the curb. 

I hope to reach that level of pettiness some day.

Alright, time for some rapid fire.

I love it when…

- Chipotle is out of everything.

- I have to scoop vomit out of a urinal at the bar I work at (thanks for knowing your limits everyone!)

- UC students come and trash our school.

- Assignments are due at 11:59 p.m.

- Class isn’t canceled even though it’s raining.

- I can’t get into a class I need during registration.

If you have any pet peeves or think I am missing something, shoot me an email. 

john1595@miamioh.edu


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