A red Gryffindor shirt displaying my house pride. Black combat boots to twin with Tris Prior from “Divergent.” The “Blurryface” album by Twenty One Pilots blaring in my wired headphones. A galaxy backpack with straps covered in button pins, proudly enlightening passers-by of all my favorite things.
That’s how I presented myself in middle school. And if you had stopped me in the hallway and asked which backpack pin defined who I was, I would have answered with “The ‘fangirl’ pin,” which embarrassingly read:
“Fangirl
(fan, gɘrl) noun. Slang.
One who is obsessed with a fictional character, celebrity or band. Fangirls are usually mistaken for stalkers. Some fangirls create cults and fanlistings.
See also: groupie.”
Was I a stalker in middle school? Absolutely not. Was I an active member of a “cult” of teenage girls who were a little too obsessive? No, because I didn’t have many friends who acted like me.
Being a fangirl was a massive part of my identity for those pivotal three years of middle school. I read fanfiction, had my OTPs (one true pairing) and made headcanons about different characters.
Fangirl culture influenced how I interacted with my interests, from the books I read to the movies I watched and even the music I listened to. A conversation couldn’t last five minutes before I referenced a “Marvel” movie or called someone who irritated me a “muggle.”
I couldn’t just have a silly little crush on a fictional character, I had to download tons of photos of Neville Longbottom from “Harry Potter” and Captain America from the “Marvel” franchise to my camera roll.
I couldn’t just have a favorite character, I had to model my personality around Hermione Granger and convince myself I was the modern-day equivalent.
I was nothing if I wasn’t a fangirl.
Enjoy what you're reading?
Signup for our newsletter
Am I embarrassed to admit some of this? Without a doubt. But am I ashamed of who I was? Absolutely not.
Yes, I have changed tremendously since middle school. But, at the same time, it feels like I haven’t. I still immerse myself in the things I love, even if they’ve changed. I’m still giddy with excitement when talking about something I love or jumping around when an artist I like releases new music. I still find myself creating characters and inserting myself into fantasy worlds.
I have abandoned some old habits. But the tendencies are still the foundation. I no longer have tons of photos of fictional crushes saved to my camera roll. But I do blush a little when a character I think is cute appears on screen.
Gone are the hours dedicated to reading fanfiction or looking at “fandom” memes on Pinterest. But I now research everything about my interests and actively recommend them to my friends. I can’t guess the Twenty One Pilots song from just the first few notes anymore, but I can recognize the Taylor Swift song in just a few seconds.
And maybe I still ramble unprompted about my current obsessions, but I have incredible friends who want to listen.
I think middle school me would be sad to see I’m not bursting with anticipation for the new Twenty One Pilots album, or that I’m not halfway through another re-read of “Harry Potter.”
But that little girl from middle school is still with me. And when I look in the mirror, there’s one thing I’ll always be about to say to myself.
“Yer a fangirl, Taylor.”
Taylor Powers is a first-year double majoring in journalism and media and communication from Trenton, Ohio. She is a staff writer for The Student and an assistant editor for The Miami Student Magazine.
Read More
A ‘heads-up’ would’ve been nice
By Shannon Mahoney | December 5, 2024Miami University can cancel classes if there are not enough people registered, but they don't tell students. Opinion writer Shannon Mahoney suffered through this pitfall and has advice for Miami.
Watch where you’re going
By Gina Roth | December 4, 2024Opinion writer Gina Roth has enjoyed the walkability of Miami's campus. But is staying in designated crosswalks enough to keep me safe? Not anymore.
Russia, the truth and us
By Anya Revelle | December 3, 2024There is a second war happening in Russia: the war against information. And young people in America are taking their freedom of information for granted.