People watching rivals baseball games and storming buildings as one of America’s favorite pastimes. Everyone does it; from naked old people staring at me walking by in the rec locker room to little kids asking their parents why I cannot walk in a straight line Uptown. Without further adieu, here are the best places one can watch the people.
Walmart
I would be remiss not to mention Walmart as THE place for people watching. Legend has it that people watching actually originated in Walmart. The beautiful thing about people watching at Walmart is that it can be done at any Walmart! For some reason, the same type of people (most often referred to as Walmart people) are drawn to the supermarket of all supermarkets regardless of location. 7 p.m. on a Tuesday? Damn right you will see someone in their pajamas and crocs. What’s the electronic buzzing you hear? Oh, it’s someone who should be on “My 800 lb life” using a scooter grocery cart reserved for someone who actually has a health condition. Walmart gets its motto from the Nirvana song, “Come as you are.”
Columbus Clippers games
If you ever want a reminder to use protection, go to a Columbus Clippers baseball game on princess and pirate night. Not only do you get to see crying kids climbing all over their parents, you get to see the other end of the spectrum – drunk kids in their 20s. This dynamic is the perfect combo for entertainment. On one end, parents are pounding beers trying to tolerate their child repeatedly asking if they can get Dippin’ Dots. On the other end, the kids in their 20s are pounding beers because they fricken can. Oh, the duality of this country, ’Merica.
Brick Street on a Saturday night
As someone who works at a bar in Uptown, I can vouch for the fact that the creatures come out on Saturday nights. Normal people will go out drinking Saturday during the day, then go home. But the creatures will stay out all day, dragging their drunken selves out for more drinks after already having enough alcohol to kill a small horse. If you take a quick peak around, just about everyone’s eyes are half shut and the majority of Makeout Monday content posted on BarstoolRedhawks comes from Saturday nights. Why people think it is socially acceptable to suck face on a dance floor is beyond me. It provides great entertainment though! Watching people try to be kinky in a public place never fails to make me chuckle.
Eclipse festivals
Being in Uptown Oxford for the eclipse provided the perfect duality I want in my people watching. Drunk college students and Walmart people in the same vicinity go together like Miami parking enforcement and being assholes! I could look in one direction and see someone blacking out on a Monday afternoon. And in another direction, see Walmart people thinking it’s cool to wear matching T-shirts that read “Solar Eclipse Totality Oxford Ohio 2024.” I wish I was joking about this.
Here are some honorable mentions that you will just have to experience for yourself.
Armstrong Student Center family room
The rec at 5 p.m. on a weekday
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Shriver Starbucks (Juice Wrld was right – All girls are the same)
MAP events
Drag nights Uptown
Art classes
Wherever there are “Honors” kids (they’re all nerds)
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