In honor of reviving the holiday spirit (and creating a Christmas list for that super rich Great Aunt that spoils me, even though I haven’t seen her in years), here’s a list of the top 3 Christmas gifts I’ve ever received:
Animal Crossing New Horizons
Just like everyone else in the 2020 quarantine era who had absolutely nothing to do in their house except stare blankly at their wall, I, of course, wanted to cave in on the trend of Animal Crossing New Horizons.
If you don’t know what that is, Animal Crossing New Horizons is, first of all, get a life, second of all, screw you, and third of all, allow me to enlighten you. In this video game, you are the mayor of your own virtual island. You use iron nuggets and clay to build houses and buildings such as grocery shops, clothing stores and a museum to serve the cute animal villagers of your town.
Of course, when I got the game, I immediately locked myself in my room and played it while my teachers struggled to get their Zoom classes working.
I'd spend about 14 hours a day on the game, repeatedly digging up dirt to build cute little decorations around the island that actually just ended up looking like a big, unthemed mess. However, my random decorating helped me avoid paying off my loans to Tom Nook and avoiding interacting with any “ugly” villagers.
In addition to the lack of loan payment, I would also spend any ounce of money I received on hot tubs because why not. Even if I have debt, at least I had a hot tub. At this moment, I learned that I shouldn’t be left alone with a credit card.
This game taught me many important life lessons that I continue to use today as an almost 20-year-old college student. These include but are not limited to, how to ignore taxes, how to avoid getting scammed by con artists and that if you ever want someone to leave you alone, just hit them repeatedly with a net. Works every time.
The iconic pink 2011 Barbie Dreamhouse
I will never forget the Christmas morning of 2011. Santa brought me a Barbie Dreamhouse. I babbled on and on about how much I needed this dreamhouse because my Barbies needed somewhere to live.
I had the old Barbie Dreamhouse. You know, the one with the slide that would break 24/7 and had no doors. Yep, that’s the one.
The minute I got that Barbie house, I took my Barbie’s off of my bedroom floor where they once slept and moved them into the house faster than any realtor on “House Hunters” ever could. The house itself was so great that I literally defied physics when I played with it.
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There were no stairs in the house. For some reason, Interior Designer Barbie really fancied slides so my Barbies would have to either climb up the slide or magically float to get up and down to where they needed to go. I would also magically spawn cars into the house, and the Barbie’s could enjoy random other dolls spawning into their hot tub for no reason.
It was truly paradise.
For the Barbies at least.
My Kens remained constantly butt naked in the Barbie Dreamhouse hot tub, untouched except for if I wanted to make them dance “Magic Mike” style in the middle of the kitchen for no reason at all.
I hope they know they’re Kenough, and I hope they were able to see the Barbie movie (fully clothed of course).
My hoverboard from 2016
Ah, 2016. How I will never forget you and the stupid things you made trendy for some reason. Just like every other kid at the time that grew up watching random Youtubers drive with these things in the middle of the street, I of course, was surprised and joyful to receive a hoverboard.
I rode it around the house 24/7 in my fluffy pajama pants, gliding around everywhere I could, while my family happily ate their dinner, and my dog was barking at every noise the board made.
My hoverboard era didn’t take long to end. Because two weeks after I had gotten the board, the battery died, and I had lost it.
I never knew what happened to the board. Maybe I’ll find it during holiday cleaning.
Who knows?
Of course, the best gift I’ve ever received is love (cheesy I know). My family and friends always show their love for me every day and it doesn’t go unnoticed.
From me and all of the humor section,
Happy Holidays and spend your gift money wisely!
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