OPINION: Make It Miami kids would make me happy if they stopped judging me
Hula hoop competition between Greg Crawford and Elizabeth Mullenix breaks out in ASG pavilion, drawing crowd of hundreds
Gatlinburg, Tennessee, officially changes name to Fratlinburg due to overabundance of frat formals in the Smoky Mountain tourist trap town
UP Magazine sued by Disney Studios for stealing name from Pixar film
Climate change deniers cite 40-degree weather in May as ‘evidence global warming doesn’t exist’
Mothers from around Ohio invited to VIP experience at Yung Gravy concert; Miami claims it is a second alumni weekend
Rising sophomores relieved to find out they no longer have to be the dumb first-years at New Bar
Brick Street announces plans to launch a daycare over the summer to draw in younger crowd
Miami’s acceptance rate rising to 100% next term making it impossible for students not to get in
The Miami Student humor section no longer smallest active section; chaos ensues in publication
Graduating finance major who does not have a dad at J.P. Morgan now looking for openings at your local fast food chain
Marketing major fails his intro to marketing exam after filling in everything with crayon
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Humor writers still unable to find significant others; record streak lengthens to 3.5 years (I still miss you, Jenny)
Philosophy major answers every exam question with a question of their own, gets an A
As finals week approaches King Library sees its first fraternity and sorority member visitors, offers them coke in hopes they will return