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Welcome to Miami’s April Fools’ prank army

Hello Soldier, 

Congratulations on being accepted into the Miami University’s Student April Fool’s Day Prank Army (MUSAFDPA). This year we’re looking for revenge on the Miami University Teacher’s Prank Militia (MUTPM) after suffering a crushing defeat. 

Needless to say, we got schooled.

This past year, 30% of our forces were blown away by whoopie cushion flatulence, 40% screamed after having a “Crawford Crawdad” dropped on their arm and 15% didn’t realize the dining hall toilets were covered in Saran wrap. 

We retaliated by breaking 17 projectors, stealing a classified amount of exit signs and hiding dozens of rotten eggs in the heating vents leading to the front of classrooms.

But the most embarrassing defeat was when the MUTPM emailed MUSAFDPA that classes were going to be held as normal. However, we knew that they knew that we knew about them knowing it was April Fools’ Day. This meant they would expect us not to believe them thinking that this would be a prank, so collectively we didn’t show up, only for class to be held as usual. 

This next year we’re recruiting volunteers of all kinds: nerds, jocks, gym bros, sorority girls and basically anyone who has the ability to think (for that reason, all communications majors are required to go through an interview process). We’re also in the process of trying to recruit John Mulaney in order to carry out Operation “What’s New Pussycat” (OWNP) and potentially Operation I Get Nervous on Airplanes (OIGNOA).

We’re also looking into planting a mole to learn what the MUTPM plans. If you know a recent graduate who supports the MUSAFDPA and could be a traveling professor, contact 513-MUS-AFDP (extension A). We must also be on the lookout for moles ourselves. We have reason to believe that a mole infiltrated my home due to a surprising number of waist level holes.

For your first assignment, report to headquarters. You will be put through a series of tests to evaluate your battle readiness and then be assigned a squadron accordingly. You and your squadron may have to be trained in the basics such as “TP-ing” and the basics of Silly String Application. 

However, if you test higher, you may start with “Advanced Air Horn Use.” You could even jump straight into Psychological Warfare Training. This covers exciting content like convincingly claiming to teachers, “You never sent that email!” and “That wasn’t on Canvas,” in addition to learning how to sleep through class and still get an A. 

Regardless of where you start your training, you will be fully prepared for combat on April 1, 2024. This will be a year of victory for the MUSAFDPA where history will remember OWNP and OIGNOA. So, soldier, we will see you at headquarters on 4/20. Make sure to bring your Miami ID because we double ID like Brick Street. Get ready to learn how to school your professors. 

Sincerely, 

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Lieutenant Colonel Master Chief, MUSAFDPA    

Comical Pranks - Recruiting and Retention

patteemj@miamioh.edu


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