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Tinder Advice for Those Looking for Love

To all those single pringles, looking to mingle: Worry no longer!

I have sent our investigative journalist into the hearts and minds of boys and girls all over campus to figure out how to make the perfect Tinder account. 

Gentlemen, take notes on this next section.

The most important thing you can do for your Tinder account is put a picture of you holding a fish as your first picture. It doesn’t matter if you have to go back until you were six to find that picture. Use it. If you have never fished before then pretend. Go buy a dead fish and a piece of rope. Put them together, throw on your friend’s camo hat, and take the picture. Trust me.

Secondly, if you are in a fraternity make sure you put your fraternity in your bio. You might think that girls won’t want to know that you are in Theta Chi or Fiji, but they secretly do. Girls won’t even talk to you unless they are positive you are cool enough to be in a frat. So make sure they know just how cool you actually are. On top of that, there is nothing a girl wants more than the prospect of being brought home to a gringy frat house after a very romantic date. 

Finally, Gentleman, make sure you put up pictures of you surrounded by other girls. Ladies love a man in high demand. They want to make sure that it would be ‘cool’ if they matched with you. The best way to show them this is by showing pictures of you with other girls. I’m not talking about just one picture where another girl happens to be in it. You have to prove how much of a hot commodity you are by using multiple pictures with multiple women in it. If you do not know any girls that want to take pictures of you, don’t worry. I am sure there are girls you can pay to take pictures with you or a sorority could take you on as one of their philanthropy events. 

Good luck Gentlemen.

Your turn, Ladies.

I cannot stress this enough: Make your bios as long as possible. I should be able to know you, your mom, your best friend, and your dog’s entire life story before I get to your second picture. Think of this as a book about your life and you want to make it interesting to get guys hooked. Guys are definitely more focused on your star sign and your life story than that picture of you dressed as a sexy nurse. That leads me to my next piece of advice:

Do not put any pictures on there that only consist of you. Let’s face it. No guy wants to just see a picture of you. Only show pictures of you with all of your friends who look just like you. For example, if you are a blonde girl in the very unusual outfit of a black top and skinny jeans, try to find any of your other blonde friends wearing the same outfit for a Tinder picture. Your true love is on Tinder and he should be able to feel in his gut who he is matching with out of your pictures of seven identical looking friends. 

The last piece of advice for all you lovely ladies out there is that if you have an Onlyfans, make sure you just use Tinder to promote that. If you don’t have an Onlyfans, make one and then use Tinder to promote it. Guys love a woman in business and that really gives off Entrepreneur vibes. Don’t even bother matching with anyone. Just post scandalous pictures and put your OF account in your bio. Then sit back and enjoy the love. 

Good luck Ladies.

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With this advice, I wish you the best of luck and hope to see you on Tinder myself. 

Stay single, friends.

sulli293@miamioh.edu


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