Look fly while you fly

I put time and effort into my airport outfits. I always have. The night before my flight, I lay it out down to the socks and underwear at the foot of my bed like I did on nights before field trips in elementary school.

We’ve all been through airport security and seen that one goddamn person wore the wrong outfit. They have a poorly packed bag that makes taking their laptop out a strenuous task, they need to pull to the side to unlace their impractical shoes, they have a metal belt, a jacket that buttons up and takes forever to take the hell off — and they manage to have all these things and still look horrible.

Airport outfits are important.

Why? Because what you wear while you fly is equal parts function and fashion, and those who can’t hang with both will be judged severely … by me (and maybe TSA — who knows?)

My ideal airport outfits vary from trip to trip. Usually, I’m a sneaker girl through and through. But when I have to fly back to school from California, the weight of my luggage is carefully curated to be exactly 50 lbs each. Though, I usually shoot for 49 lbs just to be safe.

So, when I'm watching my bag weight, I tend to wear a few of my heavier items. My Doc Martens and winter coat usually find themselves a place on my body. I know what you’re thinking “How the hell could Doc Martens possibly be efficient in the security line, you dumb bitch?”

Well bitch, I’ll tell you. I have perfected the way I lace those bad boys. I don’t thread the laces through every hole — OK? I stop right after my ankle, wrap them around the boot once and then tie them in a loose yet secure double knot. Tight enough to stay stable, but loose enough to be able to slip on and off with ease. Boom.

The winter coat is a little warm, sure, but just tie it to your backpack once you get through security and then use it as a pillow or blanket on the plane.

As for the core of the outfit: leggings or sweatpants, maybe even a baggy pair of jeans — just make it comfortable, and please, for the love of god, let it have pockets. Next, a tank top or t-shirt that feels soft and preferably doesn’t require a bra, but don’t let it be white or grey — you’ll get a weird stain or a pit stain and nobody needs to see that — including you.

You’ll need a jacket to layer over top in case the plane is cold, or the person next to you decides to use that weird nipple of an AC vent. I would go for a zip-up with a hood because it gives you the most options for comfort.

This next bit will be controversial, but hear me out — sunglasses. Will you look like an asshole? To some, sure. But, you’ll increase your chances of nobody talking to you, they can be used to dim the light a little if you want to sleep on the plane and you’ll look like a badass!

Plus, a good pair can be used to sweep some of your hair back when you need it out of your face. Just try it once and see how you feel — trust me.