Movie theater popcorn.
I can practically smell it. But, as for most of us, it’s been months since I’ve had the savory kernels hit my taste buds.
I miss sitting next to total strangers, a pal or even a hot date, and watching scenes unfold on the big screen as I slurp down a large Diet Coke and, on special occasions, a pack of Red Vines.
Yes, I’ve been missing the movies for months now, but recently my separation pains have grown.
Why?
Mulan.
You guys, they finally made a live-action Mulan, and the only place you can go see it is in your living room if you have a Disney Plus account.
Unacceptable.
Elementary school me is currently throwing a major tantrum in my mind because she’s obsessed with Mulan and even more so with Mushu (the dragon Mulan’s ancestors sent to help her bring honor to the family – if you didn’t already know).
So, OK then – fine – I can suck it up and watch Mulan on Disney Plus with some mediocre microwave popcorn.
Psych – Disney Plus is charging an additional $30 to stream the premiere.
We all realize this is way more than it would cost to buy a ticket and see it in theatres, right?
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But hey – I guess if Disney Plus wants to charge us nearly three times the movie theater price to watch the film on our TVs in our own homes, then they can do that.
But I’m furiousfucking about it.
Where’s the Disney Magic (™) in that, huh? Unless Mushu is going to come out of the TV and give me sassy advice for the remainder of 2020, I just don’t see how that experience can be worth $30.
And I know what you’re thinking Disney – if I just watch the movie with five of my friends, we could split it and pay only $5 each.
But you know what?
I want to watch this movie by myself because I want to experience it unencumbered with just me and the little 8-year-old me in my head who will want to talk the whole time about how cool the martial arts are. If you didn’t know already, Liu Yifei who is playing Mulan is trained in martial arts, so you know it’s going to be legit.
And it’s bad enough I can’t sit in a totally dark room and experience it on the big screen, but to have to pay $30 just feels like a slap in the face.
The worst part is knowing I won’t have the simultaneous feeling of watching it alone, yet being surrounded by people just as excited as me to see it.
I’m not even a Star Wars fan, but being in the theater with all those nerds and clapping with them when a character entered the screen was awesome, and I want that very same experience when Mulan starts singing the melodic masterpiece that is Reflection – but no, I am being robbed of that along with my precious $30.
I wanted more. Mulan deserved more.
Well, not more as in $30 more, but more.
See you Sept. 4, Mushu – but Disney, that dragon better come out of that screen or I’m going to want a refund.
wolffrg@miamioh.edu
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