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5 college relationships your roommate experiences

1 The One From High School

You’ve just moved in and met your roommate. He seems like a good enough guy, but there is one problem: He comes with baggage. His high school sweetheart never leaves his side and is keen to remind you that they have been together for two years, four months and 12 days. But who’s counting? Two weeks of basically living with a third roommate in a space meant for two have gone by when you’ve had enough and are about to switch dorms. That same night, your roommate asks to go out for some drinks: just you and him. You think it’s strange that his second half isn’t coming. Ever since that night, he doesn’t mention her, and you don’t dare ask what happened. You only pray she never returns.

2. The One That You Can’t Get Rid Of

You’ve heard this girl’s name thousands of times. One week, he can’t stop talking about how great she is. The next week, she’s literally the worst thing to ever be in Oxford. The following week, she flipped over a new leaf. The week after that, back to Satan. Love her or hate her, he will not stop talking about her. He swears hundreds of times that he is never talking to her again. He even blocks her on Snapchat for good measure. That usually lasts a good three days. After about a month, you lose track of what the verdict is now. Are you supposed to hate her or believe that she’s changed again.

3. The One That Loves PDA

Sometimes, you just need a nap after a day full of classes, so you run back to your dorm, dreaming of your head hitting a soft pillow. But you get there and see the sock on your door. Again. Your buddy and his new girlfriend cannot keep their hands off each other. It’s embarrassing. They’ve been together for two weeks, and in that time, you have had to leave the dorm more than 20 times. It’s almost like they’re glued together. You’re pretty sure that you have actually exchanged more conversations with this girl than he has, because they are too busy doing things besides talking. Now that they’re over, you can finally get a good night’s sleep in your own bed.

4. The One That Might be a Nun

This relationship is a favorite of your roommate’s grandparents. Her Instagram bio says “John 3:16, Jesus first.” You accidentally walked in on them during “date night” in your dorm. You quickly avert your eyes only to hear them saying the rosary. After a long night of partying, she wakes you up at 8 a.m. on Sunday for mass. Her idea for a date was to take your roommate to a priest to confess his sins. She was so embarrassed when you caught them holding hands once. You have never laughed harder than the time he came back to the dorm wearing a promise ring. Look, if this is what salvation costs, I’ll see you guys in Hell.

5. The One That’s Actually Kind of Cool

Because of your roommate’s track record, you are very skeptical when he tells you that he has met another girl. But when you meet her at the bar for the first time, she’s really not that bad. You guys end up getting along rather well, and you can actually hang out with the both of them without being embarrassed or annoyed. You don’t mind her being over so often because, unlike the others, she’s actually kind of funny. When they break up, you’re low-key mad he didn’t consult with you before this. Of course, you feel bad for him, but you feel like you really should have been consulted about this one. He can’t just end your friendship with her without talking to you about it first. On the other hand, guess who just became single?

sulli293@miamioh.edu

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