OPD deems deceitful driver drunk
At 11:41 p.m. Tuesday, an OPD cruiser approached from behind a blue Pontiac Grand Prix on Patterson Avenue approaching West Chestnut Street.
The officer clocked the vehicle at 40 mph, 15 mph above the speed limit of 25, and proceeded to follow the car as it hurdled past construction barrels and turned right onto West Chestnut.
According to OPD, after noticing the police cruiser on his tail, the driver slowed to 20 mph. However, the officer watched the sedan slowly pinball in the lane: alternatingly skirting the curb and center lines. At one point, the driver veered dangerously near a stretch of parked cars and jerked away hard to avoid a collision. The officer promptly executed a traffic stop on Arrowhead Drive.
The driver handed the officer his Ohio driver's license and proceeded to blankly stare ahead out the windshield, according to OPD. When asked for his vehicle registration, the driver yanked an envelope from the glove box and proceeded to fruitlessly rummage through a multitude of papers therein. As the man searched the envelope, the officer asked whence he came. The passenger spoke up, intimating they had come from Trenton and were looking for Acorn Circle. The driver then looked up from his envelope and asked the officer if he needed any additional information. He was reminded he still needed to present his vehicle registration. The driver then extracted from the envelope and incorrectly handed to the officer the car title.
As the officer peered into the vehicle, he observed an open box of Budweiser behind the passenger seat and an open box of Bud Lite behind the driver's, OPD said. Smelling alcohol on the driver's breath, the officer asked the suspect if he had been drinking that evening.
"I'm not going to lie, I had one beer a few hours ago," the driver said.
Upon request, the driver attempted to exit his vehicle but found the door locked. He then mistakenly pressed the lock button and tried again. A second time he pressed the lock button and impotently pulled at the door handle. When he finally exited the vehicle, Mr. One Beer rested his hand on the side of the car to maintain his balance as he slunk around to the back.
While spectacularly failing the field sobriety tests, the suspect said only the box of Budweiser was his, from which OPD found four cans missing.
After beginning his heel-toe walk in the center of the sidewalk, the suspect finished in the grass. Indeed, after a particularly confusing "six inches off the ground or count to six?" one legged stand, the suspect said "Man, I couldn't even do this sobe-normally," according to OPD.
Refusing to submit to a breath test, the man was cited for OVI, Weaving and Speed. He was released on his own recognizance at Acorn Circle.
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