There’s just no better turn-on than watching a steadfast knight joust his longsword, and at Ohio’s Annual Renaissance Festival it is a single girl’s fantasy come true. The festival, which started 16 years ago in Harveysburg, Ohio, has been one of the most ideal places to meet other singles for nearly two decades. Forget cities like Boston, Washington, D.C. and San Jose, ladies. The best place to meet your match is just a little more than an hour’s drive away.
After a trip for pirate’s weekend a few days ago, I was able to scope out some possible prospects and narrow it down to what I consider to be the three hottest, most eligible bachelors of pretend 16th century England.
No. 1: Sir Timothy, the Valiant Knight: Sure, he can’t always get his joust through the hole or hit the target, but don’t let this guy’s old age fool you. Sir Timothy has dueled some of the greatest knights in all of England’s history — he’s got the wisdom and the experience that only the noblest of knights have. Plus, if you’re one of those gold-digger types, don’t worry — he’s got a bag full of gold coins!
No. 2: Cast of the Mudde Show: Three hairy, half-naked men looking for one single lady. They like doing it dirty (“it” as in theatre) in the mud and preferably in front of an audience. They’re especially into role-play, one of their favorites being Beowulf. Dress up like Grendel and you’ll have them screaming your name (Grendel, that is).
No. 3: Thomas Wood the Pyrojuggler: Juggler. Fire-eater. Comedian. Adventurer. Wood’s got everything you’re looking for in a man: passion, a good sense of humor and a wild streak. He describes his performances as being flexible and versatile, so no matter your age, you’re sure to have a good time with him.
Much to my dismay, I wasn’t able to find my true love, but with one more ticket left, I have high hopes that if I get some sexy wench gear, I might be able to find my soulmate.