Two Halves Make a Whole

Contributed by Zhengxu Li

This is a part of the winning essay from the International Friendship Writing

This is the story of how I met my Vietnamese doppelganger. Let's go back eight months ago, with me on my couch at home freaking out about making a whole new circle of friends during college. This sounds like any typical freshman fear right? Well, this was absolutely terrifying for me. This meant I would have to meet a LOT of new people when I am incredibly socially awkward and shy. You can't get me to shut up once you know me (be warned) but the initial greeting is something I still struggle with. Therefore, I did what every typical freshman (in my mind at the time) does the minute they get their room assignment: Facebook stalk people so I know exactly who will be where before I get there. My efforts were not in vain. I noticed a girl had posted that she would be on the same floor and down the hall from where I would be. Before I really knew what I was doing, I clicked the "add friend" button.

This was August 2nd, 2014. When she accepted the request so quickly, I was unprepared and proceeded to freak out for the next seventeen days in typical 'me' fashion. When I finally calmed down enough to think rationally, I realized I must seem like some freak that just asked out of the blue to be her friend on Facebook. (Again, mostly in my head; I only have people I know in person as Facebook friends so adding this stranger was an entirely new concept to me.)

So what do I do? Of course! Send an awkward message to her trying to explain myself: Hi! I don't want to scare you or anything by messaging/friend requesting you, but I noticed that your room at Miami is around the corner from mine, so I thought I would say hello early. My name is Danielle. (By the way I am super jealous of your profile picture. So pretty! >.<). She messaged me back a minute later. I, of course, again freaked out and proceeded to run and tell my parents.

It was just another day me sitting with my laptop counting the days left before flying off to the other side of the Earth. "Ping" - a new friend request. I had been receiving this a lot lately as many freshman-to-be were freaking out about making friends before college really started. "Another American friend," I said to myself. Days later, I was here, at Miami, freaking out again. The move-in day was drawing near when a bunch of Americans would flood in the hall. I was making plans on how to make friends, as I'm just a weird Asian girl, when I received a long message from an American girl on Facebook. "Wait, when did I have her on my friend list?" was my first thought. I replied, but so politely and formal that it makes me want to slap myself when we reread the conversations to write down our legacy. So we made acquaintance. I tried to look for her at the corridor's first meeting but Americans' faces look the same to me so I couldn't tell which one was Danielle. When I was about to "let it go" and wait for another chance, a girl in green approached me. We looked into each other's eyes and asked at the same time: "Are you Danielle?"/"the girl from Facebook?"

It was not a first meeting like in a fantasy where miracles and special things happen. I did not even expect to find someone so like me across the world. Love for Japan is not the only thing we have in common. Pokemon and Harvest Moon games are also our bias. After talking nonstop to each other, we just naturally grew closer and found out we were in perfect sync. We decided to cook meals on weekends after I offered her my first homemade spring rolls in the U.S. She wanted to try my country's cuisine (and support her amateur friend who had zero experience in cooking). That's why people say the easiest way to someone's heart is through the stomach. To preserve our fun memories of freshman year, we created a selfie album of fire alarms and are now laughing at our silly faces due to the harsh weather conditions we had to endure.

I learned how to pronounce both Saphira's Vietnamese name and her English one. I hadn't expected to meet someone from another country so similar to myself, either. I always assumed people from other countries would be different in some way. When Saphira made spring rolls, I had my doubts because I am a picky eater. I was pleasantly surprised, though, when making them turned out to be so much fun. They were delicious! I could inhale seven to ten of them easy. We were able to show - through food - our native cultures and experiences. Fire alarms at random periods of the day and sleepovers in the dorm room only strengthened our bond. She is a biology major, and I am a double major in English and East Asian Studies (and avoid science and math whenever possible), but even with these small differences we found that the few things that set us apart are what make us unique and able to discover new interests. I began helping Saphira with her English homework, and she helped me with my chemistry. I was able to learn about Vietnam beyond the fact that we had fought in a war a long time ago, too. It was truly an amazing first few months of freshman year.

Then came the second of October...Saphira's birthday. Our other friends and I agreed that we should do something special for the first birthday of the year (not to mention Saphira was going to be eighteen). We secretly planned a surprise party that included a cake and gifts. It was not an easy process by any means. All the while, we lied to Saphira about where we were going and why we were missing for such long periods of time. I made sure to keep everyone informed of the "game plan." The day finally came, and I got her to come watch my orchestra concert that night. She was the only one who showed up because everyone else was back at the dorm setting up. When the concert ended, Saphira hugged me, more supportive and awestruck than any friends have ever been to see me play. It was an unbelievable compliment just to see how happy the music had made her. On the way back, I purposely stalled her so that as soon as we got to the dorm lobby everyone would be ready to start singing. It worked perfectly, and Saphira had no idea.

I had absolutely no idea about it until they started to sing "Happy Birthday" as soon as I stepped into the lobby. It was my first birthday in the U.S. and I was turning 18 - a big landmark in my culture. It was a busy day. I was pretty happy when I got invited to Danielle's first concert in college. I ran and hugged Danielle in tears because the concert was so incredible and it was my first time ever going to an orchestra. I had thought it was my birthday present from Danielle. However, to my surprise my friends threw me a party at the dorm under Danielle's "evil" plan. The only thing I could do that night was cry while eating the cake and cuddling between Danielle and Sarah - her roommate. My 18^th birthday was by no means miserable even though I was away from my family and old friends.

Before we knew it, it was Thanksgiving break. I had been wondering what Saphira would do on her own back on campus while everyone went to celebrate with their families. I didn't want to leave her by herself, and she had asked if staying at my house was an option. I also wanted to show her what Thanksgiving was since she didn't celebrate it in Vietnam. My Mom and Dad both agreed it was a great idea. So, the first day of break after our classes ended, we packed up and headed to my house in Columbus.

My family is Italian. I am fourth generation myself. Thanksgiving for us is a huge event because it stresses family and food - the two things we hold most dear. Having Saphira there made it even more special. She got to meet my extended family, and it felt like I had an actual younger sister for the first time (I only have a little brother). It was really funny to see her shock at the amount of food we served and ate. It also allowed me to thank her for being my friend and return the favor for so many weekend meals.

Enjoy what you're reading?
Signup for our newsletter

Thanksgiving was something I had never experienced before going to the U.S. I was so excited when Danielle's family invited me to visit them for Thanksgiving break. I had heard that Thanksgiving is a big event but I did not expect it to be that big or important. I was amazed (and scared a little bit) when I experienced Thanksgiving at Danielle's house. I'd never expect less from an Italian family. The dishes besides the giant Turkey were also amazing. All in all, my first Thanksgiving was full of food.

After our lovely retreat away from school, we had finals. Neither of us was prepared for the stress. We ate horribly, slept very little, and our conversations consisted of how awful life was.

We still somehow magically survived finals week. Danielle took me to her house (kidnapping me again) for winter break. Staying at her house, I taught them how to make some Vietnamese dishes while I learned how to make good American food. Moreover, I was so lucky because I got to learn a lot about how Americans celebrate Christmas and the New Year. A week before Christmas, I got the honor of joining in on her family's tradition - Cookie Day. Her cousins came and we all made hundreds of cookies. When Christmas came, I must admit, it was a tiny bit insane. I do have Christmas in my country but it's totally different. I explained to them how Christmas in my country is just another Valentine's Day so they taught me the traditional U.S. Christmas. They dazzled me with all the Christmas decorations and again, food. Danielle and I decorated the Noel tree in American style - tons of garments and lights. Her family even prepared a stocking and Christmas presents for me. They also took me to parties at her relatives' house. It makes me feel a part of her family, which is so considerate and touching. New Year's Eve was also great. I made lots of spring rolls and we had a party. In my country, we have Lunar New Year instead, so it was the first time I enjoyed New Year's Eve that much.

I knew Christmas was mainly a U.S. tradition because most people in the U.S. affiliate with some sort of Christian religion. However, to hear that it was just another Valentine's Day in Vietnam and other parts of Asia was fascinating. Giving Saphira a U.S. Christmas with presents made it even more special and fun. Saphira even had her Mom send us gifts from Vietnam: a Vietnamese cookbook and a homemade Sesshomaru doll (my favorite anime character of all time). Allowing her to experience my culture while learning about hers is one of the most rewarding parts of being friends. There isn't a day that I don't learn something new. It helps me to see things from her perspective. As a domestic student that doesn't get much exposure to other cultures, it's invaluable to learn whatever I can about the world around me. It's so much better to learn from Saphira than any history course because she's a part of my life.

Break was over and we all had to return to the cruel reality - school. My mom sent me some homemade sticky rice cakes - a traditional food for Lunar New Year in my country. While eating, I talked about my country's customs and traditions and how things in Lunar New Year are as insane as American Christmas. Lunar New Year was drawing near so my homesickness was really strong. I couldn't join the party with other Vietnamese students on campus because I had exams during that week. Therefore, we spent another special and important holiday together and ate tons of dumplings.

Originally, I knew Lunar New Year as Chinese New Year. Saphira enlightened me to the fact that while the Chinese call it the Chinese New Year, it is actually celebrated throughout Asia as Lunar New Year. It was eye-opening to learn about this, as Americans refer to it as Chinese New Year, too. Saphira taught me that this can be offensive to people celebrating this holiday who are not Chinese. Saphira's Mom's sticky rice cake was delicious and it was really cool to see the leaves (yes, leaves) they were wrapped in. They were huge! We also had homemade beef jerky, and I still feel bad because I ate so much of it. Hopefully that just shows how much I appreciated and loved it! It was a shame that Saphira couldn't celebrate Lunar New Year on the actual day, but celebrating a day late with our friends in the basement with dumplings was great, too. Plus, who doesn't love free food? Saphira also told me about the red envelopes they receive as gifts for Lunar New Year. The envelope holds money and is meant to wish the receiver luck and good health.

Speaking of culture, since I am a cosplayer (dressing up as their favorite characters for events and shows), wanting to learn and loving Japanese culture is like an instinct to me. That's why I decided to join the Japanese Culture and Language Club and became the event committee right at my first year. Knowing that Danielle loves Japan as well, I asked her to come to JCLC's weekly meetings with me. Before we even realized, she had been going to the executive meetings with me, too. So naturally, she also joined the event committee and now we are working together!

After I joined JCLC as an executive, there were only a few weeks until Shinnenkai, or the celebration of Japanese New Year. Saphira and I decided we would dress up in our yukata, and we actually ended up looking like twins. Saphira let me borrow her long brown-haired wig, and Saphira's dad thought I was her in one of our pictures. I got to help people learn how to write their names in Japanese and practice playing with a kendama. The president of JCLC, Minami Hoashi, (also a friend and International student) helped me with calligraphy. It was really fun to be able to teach other domestic students about Japanese culture. There was even a Tea Ceremony performed by Reider-sensei. Again, it is experiences like these with Saphira that teach me how little I really know and how large the world really is. I can't imagine what I would feel - or who I would be - without them.

I have the incredible opportunity to go to Vietnam next year and stay with Saphira and her family during winter break. As we think about our possible activities, I am reminded of how fortunate I am. Studying abroad is one of the best things someone can do, and the fact that I get to do it with a friend like Saphira is incredible. I encourage anyone to travel - even if it is only for a few weeks. It can help someone discover a whole new world. It leads to a greater understanding of others and the ability to think beyond country borders for a truly "global" perspective. I can't thank Saphira or her family enough for their hospitality. However, while it is going to be fun, I hope to come back with more knowledge and appreciation of Vietnam. I had no idea how beautiful it was until Saphira showed me pictures. I had also never heard the Vietnamese language before. I hope that her parents will like my cooking and that I can share my culture with them as they have shared with me. I hope to someday master a few words of Vietnamese, too. So far hello and her name are all I can manage, but it's the effort that counts! Trying to speak even a few words can work wonders in showing gratitude and appreciation of someone's culture.

From the beginning, it has always been a plan of mine to somehow bring Danielle to Vietnam- my country. My master plan worked really well because she showed so much interest in my customs and cultures (and food as well of course). I want to show her the beauty of Vietnam - the country many people have misconceptions of. I want to show her the country I was born and raised in. The trip will also be our mini "exchange program" since her family let me stay at their house and enjoy American culture so much. This time, it'll be her turn to be confused and surprised at our traditions and culture.

I hope to teach English in Japan someday. A Japanese friend in middle school inspired me to begin this journey. I take Japanese classes, and Saphira's introduction to JCLC and their encouragement has really helped me find a place on campus. I joined Japanese Language Table, too, and have met many more International students through this activity. I even went out to dinner with them, something I would never have done before meeting Saphira. If I hadn't met her, and she hadn't helped me realize that meeting new people - especially International students - isn't scary but very rewarding, I would probably still be stuck in my dorm room every night doing homework and being anti-social. Becoming such good friends with Saphira allowed me to find things in common with others and to reach out to people who are different as well. Overcoming a language barrier can be nerve-wracking sometimes, but it's unbelievable and well worth it to understand an International student's perspective. For the first time, you understand why they might be scared to approach you. After all, they're not just learning a new language but an entirely new and different culture. I hear domestic students talk about "those International students" who won't talk in class or "can't speak English." Now that I know what being on the other end of that feels like, it's embarrassing for me. I hope that, like me, other students will be able to have the courage to just say "hi." Perhaps slowing down and explaining things could lead to an amazing opportunity. Wouldn't you want someone to be kind if you were studying abroad? Take the time and have the patience to get to know an International student. They're students, just like you or me. I think you'll find it well worth the effort. Saphira sure is that best friend for life for me. I hope to see other domestic students make the same kind of friendships, too.

Sometimes, friendship takes years to build; other times, it is just meeting the right person at the right time and place. I often think about my decision to go to Miami University in all the options that I had. I believe it was fate that led my way here. I believe Miami is the right place because here, I met my best friend, my soul mate, and above all, she is my American Doppelganger. Our friendship is built over the similarities and differences. Who could have thought that I was going to meet someone like Danielle - someone who instantly becomes my best friend but lives on the other side of the Earth? If it hadn't been for her, my college life wouldn't be this fun. No matter how different our background or culture is, our souls will always feel alike.

It is and it will always be challenging using a second language to communicate with the domestic students. I understand the fear of making mistakes and saying things wrong in English. But that fear should never be the wall that prevents us international students from making friends with amazing domestic students. Just take a deep breath, smile, and say things slowly and clearly to your Miami peers; if you're willing to get out of the box and reach out to domestic students, they will grab your hand and take you to the best adventure of cultural diversity.

Danielle Rymers

Saphira Hoang

Two Halves Make a Whole

Enjoy what you're reading?
Signup for our newsletter

Trending

Court date set for wrongful death lawsuit

Oxford and Miami communities express concerns with OPD external report

Talawanda School Board continues discussing busing services and school start times for 2024-2025 school year

House Bill 183 passes in the Higher Education Committee

How Oxford celebrates The Day of the Mushroom

Two Halves Make a Whole

Enjoy what you're reading?Signup for our newsletter

Read More

Trending

Enjoy what you're reading?
Signup for our newsletter