TO THE EDITOR:
Hey students, listen up: You're geniuses!
You have the highest SAT/ACT/whatever scores. You have the highest high school grades. You're the cream of the crop. You're the smartest, most brilliant, most bestest geniuses in the history of the whole world! Ever!
Now, the brighter among you recognize this kind of thing for what it is and pay it little heed. You understand you're here to get an education, you were admitted because of your potential and you're here to work on developing, reaching and realizing your potential. So stop reading this right now.
But you dimmer bulbs out there - hey - follow the fantastic implications:
You DON'T need to study. Why? Because you're already geniuses! You DON'T need to do reading assignments. Why? Because you're already geniuses!
Everything you write is perfect. You know why - because you're already geniuses! You DON'T need to bother with taking notes during class. Why? Because - Bingo! - you're already geniuses.
In fact, you DON'T need to attend class at all. Just register and never show up. Why? That's right, you're already geniuses!
And if you don't get straight A's, then clearly it's your professors' fault and legal action is definitely called for. Why? Yep. Because you're already geniuses!
So get busy, get Uptown and in the bars and stoke what our administration calls your Miami "experience!"
brockj@miamioh.edu