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Sharing secrets has a way of bringing people together

Ever since I was in high school, I have had a slight obsession with PostSecret books. I loved checking them out at the library and pouring through them with my friends. Some of the secrets were funny, some were sad, and some were just so absurd they made us wonder who on Earth had submitted them. For those of you who don't know, PostSecret is an organization started by Frank Warren in 2005 as a community art project. He began by walking around his neighborhood handing out blank postcards and encouraging strangers to write a secret and send it back to his home address. He has since received over a million secrets from people around the world and published six books.

On Tuesday night, Warren came to speak at Miami. I had high expectations for the person behind an idea that I admire so much, and let me say he surpassed them. His presentation was the perfect mix of thoughtfulness and humor. He acknowledged the heaviness of many of the secrets he received, while also recognizing that many of the secrets are simply those innermost thoughts we all have, those quirks that make us say, "I thought I was the only one!" In fact, Warren said that one of the most amazing things is that on any given day he will receive postcards from people in different countries, written in different languages, yet they express the same basic thought. Despite what people might see as their differences, collecting secrets has proven to him how much we are all alike.

He said: " Kept secrets are walls. Shared secrets are bridges." That really struck me and I think it's an idea everyone can relate to. How many times have you kept a secret and it actually feels like a physical barrier between you and someone else? You must remain guarded and keep your defenses up in order to protect your secret. How many times have you finally decided to confess a secret to someone because despite how scary it seemed you knew you would feel better later? Finally, how many times have you gone ahead and shared your secret only to have someone completely accept you, agree with you or help you? Another common result of sharing secrets is that the recipient of the secret will often say "Me too!" or they will share something different. Because once you share your secret, you create an environment of trust between you and this other individual. When you knocked down your wall, you created a bridge to someone else and strengthened that relationship.

Near the end of his presentation, Warren invited members of the audience to take the microphone and share their confessions. It was incredible to witness their bravery as they admitted their secrets. As each individual took the microphone, I had no idea what they were about to say. You couldn't tell by looking at them what kind of stories they were hiding, just as you can't tell when you look around a classroom or around your group of friends. Warren mentioned that once on a visit to Stanford University, a girl in the audience came up and stated that she had "duck syndrome." When he asked what that meant, she explained: she said that although appearing calm, cool, and collected like a duck floating on a pond, underneath she was struggling with issues nobody knew about.

I think we are all a little bit like ducks. We all want to put our best foot forward and convince others that we are doing well. We want the perfect clothes, perfect grades, perfect life - and we want it to look effortless. But what if we were more willing to embrace our flaws and admit our weaknesses? What if it wasn't so scary to reach out to others and say we are having a tough time or that we need some advice? I know that's an intimidating concept, but its something I am going to try. Warren said, "Secrets are the currency of intimacy." You have to give them in order to receive them. And doing both of those things can strengthen our relationships with others overall.

Marissa Stipek

stipekml@miamioh.edu