Yesterday afternoon, moments before my English 320 professor kindly suggested that I put my phone away during class and at least pretend to be interested in the ins and outs of Flash Fiction, I watched a video produced by the Dove Beauty campaign (the one that does a really good job of both spamming every major media outlet while also hardcore pulling at the heartstrings of millions of women, children and men nationwide).
The video involved taking the negative, body-shaming, hurtful comments that a few women made about themselves during the day and having actresses then act out a conversation where they made those same comments to a friend, all while the original women were able to hear and see the interaction.
Naturally, the women were appalled at what these actresses were saying to each other, and once they recognized what was going on, were appalled at what they had said to themselves, about themselves.
Later on, as I went through outfit upon outfit trying to prepare myself for the weekly slaughter that is 90s Night, I caught myself doing the exact same thing these women had done; negative thoughts ranging from, "My closet resembles the leftovers of a thrift store raid," all the way to, "The only thing about my body that doesn't resemble a pregnant manatee right now are my eyebrows."
Then, in true Cartoon Network fashion, a catalyst of a light bulb went off in my head, bringing forth to the forefront of my mind the highest quality of common sense thoughts:
Why is it so hard to just like yourself?
It doesn't sound like a hard question when you first hear (read) it, eliciting an "I don't know," or exaggerated shoulder shrug of a response. It's not something that a lot of people think of - we spend a lot more time fixating on what we see wrong with ourselves as opposed to why we don't just like ourselves.
Think about this for second: what would your life be like -what would you feel like - if you spent even half the time you spend ridiculing yourself or building other people up, on building yourself up?
Whether or not you want to admit it or think it matters, if you really sit down with yourself and think of all the bad thoughts you have about yourself, it will become clear how damaging you really are toward yourself.
My question is, why? Since I think I'm a philosopher, I continued to think about this as I downed cheap vodka from my GBD flask. The caliber of negative thoughts I have about myself are (almost) never the types of things I think of other people - mainly because I don't actually pay attention to other people as much as I pay attention to myself. If I'm not thinking this stuff about other people, odds are they aren't thinking it about me.
Yes, psychology exists and the brain is a giant mystery, and even though ABC thinks that Derek Shepherd is going to figure it all out, we all know he's not. I'm not so naïve to think that some of the negative thoughts are fueled by forces we can't control, but I also know that it is totally possible to look in the mirror and say, "I look pretty right now," or finish a paper and know that you totally killed it. Being self-deprecating is a choice and building yourself up is a choice. Take charge of yourself and choose to build yourself up.
Carly Berndt
berndtcn@miamioh.edu