By Joey Hart, For The Miami Student
Starting in the spring semester, students will be able to use credit from their Miami meal plans to make purchases at several bars Uptown.
Kara Wren, operations manager at Brick Street, said when students come back from winter break, they will simply be able to tap their ID cards on a gray sensor in order to pay cover and purchase drinks at Brick Street, as well as several other bars in the Uptown area.
“All we are trying to do is create a great environment where young people can have some responsible fun,” Wren said. “Putting bars on the meal plan just makes that fun much easier to pay for.”
Owen Krader, Miami’s director of housing options, meals and events, said the purpose of this policy with the bars was to create a more diverse menu for students to choose from in Oxford.
“We cherish students’ ability to find any option they want here no matter what their taste is,” Krader said. “If you want pizza, stir fry or steak, we offer that. Likewise, if you want trashcans, fireballs or Jager bombs, we find a way to offer that, as well.”
Krader also echoed Wren’s comments about the ease of pay.
“In the past, students have had to withdraw money from a debit account or trust fund in order to pay for their alcohol,” Krader said. “Now students will be able to blow all their parents’ money on alcohol straight through the meal plan system.”
Amid concern that such a policy may encourage and provide an easier pathway for underage drinking among students, Krader responded by saying “What are you, a narc or something?”
Pete Stillwater, night manager at The Woods, or “New Bar,” as it is commonly known, said the new policy is a great way to simplify students’ lives amid a hectic college climate.
“It’s just really nice to know that we are helping Miami students have an easier college experience,” Stillwater said. “I think knowing that you can get a meal at the dining hall, do your laundry or down four rum and cokes and make out with a stranger on a dance floor all using the same card will make a big difference.”
This was a piece of journalistic satire. None of the quotes from any of the sources, real or fake, are factual.