Anna Turner, Amusement Editor

(ANNA TURNER | The Miami Student)

Wow. Four years (five or six for you slackers) goes by really fast, huh?
Just yesterday you were meeting your first-year resident assistant (RA) and thinking, “Wow, they didn’t have friends in high school …” and you were most likely right.

But first-year move-in was (at least) 48 months ago and a lot has happened since you and your awkward frosh roomie decided who got which bed. At the same point in time, a lot HASN’T happened.

You’ve probably missed out on a lot of true Miami experiences, and now that you’re graduating, you’re running out of time to make up. I’ve compiled a list of things Miamians must do before they graduate, and if you have yet to partake in any of these adventures, get busy.

If you haven’t … Ordered DP Dough at 4 a.m., plan a late night calzone snack.  Take advantage of super early morning munchies opportunities – they wouldn’t be open until 4 a.m. if they didn’t want to bring you a piping hot Combat Zone at the @$$ crack of dawn. 

If you haven’t … Pulled an all-nighter at King Library, break out the textbooks, flash cards and laptop for the ever-present distraction and stake out your favorite King Café table or second floor cubicle. Nothing says “college” like studying for that big exam from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. with your only breaks constituting trips to the vending machines for Mountain Dew. 

If you haven’t … Run through the fountain behind Shriver, kick off your shoes and jump on in. Yes, the water will be cold and yes, you will get wet (usually a side effect of playing in water), but a run through the fountain is necessary. Don’t think about how many people have peed in it: You’re a Miami student, so you WILL run in the fountain, and you WILL like it.

If you haven’t … Kissed under the Upham Arch, don’t worry about it. This isn’t a must-do at all.

If you haven’t … Tried every gourmet selection at Bagel and Deli, work up an appetite because you’ve got a lot of bagels to get through. Don’t take the easy route by getting a turkey bagel, a ham bagel, a breakfast bagel, etc. GET EVERY SINGLE ONE. I’m definitely not instructing you to eat them all in one sitting – unless you want to miss graduation due to a food coma – but I am instructing you to experience all B and D has to offer, as it is Oxford’s finest uptown establishment.

If you haven’t … Gone on a first date at Shriver, get ready to be swept off you feet by a first-year that pays for your meal with his swipe. Ah, how romantic! Nothing guarantees a Miami Merger more so than a Haines Food Court dinner followed by a Tuffy’s dessert. The best part is, he’s paying for it all with his parents’ money.

If you haven’t … on Western Campus, it’s time to dust off the old Frisbee and head over to the Frisbee golf course. It isn’t just for jocky first-years or the hippies that live on Western – anyone can Frolf – including you! And you better. Throwing discs into baskets is a collegiate tradition celebrated from the preppy schools on the East coast to the burnout schools on the West coast, and if you haven’t experienced the thrill of Frolfing, you’re missing out.

If you haven’t … Read Amusement faithfully every Friday, you’ve got a lot of reading to do! Lucky for you, has past Amusement issues for one to peruse at his or her own leisure. So, leisure away, my friend. 

If you haven’t … Asked a professor or hot TA on a date, make the most of office hours. Get all dolled up and head over to the crammed closet posing as an office (no one said tenure was glamorous) ready to ask the hottie instructor out for a nice dinner, maybe at Shriver? Play it smooth, be chill, and let them know that you’re worth it, baby. If they reject you, fall to your knees and play the, “BUT I’M GRADUATING! YOU HAVE TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME OR ELSE MY MIAMI EXPERIENCE WON’T BE COMPLETE!” card. It works every time. 

Except that one time when the professor knew I was a sophomore and wouldn’t be graduating for two years …