Miami University’s Janus Forum will address this year’s hot-button political issues by hosting six white guys debating the current score of cornhole.

The Janus Forum, a club at Miami where people with opposing viewpoints are invited to discuss their opinions freely, has hosted leaders of political discussion ranging from Vox creator Ezra Klein to New Hampshire Sen. Kelly Ayote.

The forum’s upcoming debate panel will include a Bruce, a Joe and four guys named Chad.

“We feel as though the score of cornhole is a highly controversial topic,” said Janus Forum member Samuel Jenkins. “How many points were scored in the last turn? Was it 17 to 15 or 17 to 16? The scope of debate on this topic is infinite.”

The participants will prepare for the event by playing cornhole and chugging brews with their dudes, a rare sight in Oxford.

Chad number three, when asked about the upcoming debate, did not comment because he was passed out at a bar with sunglasses on. His friends referred to this as a classic “Weekend at Bernie’s.”

During the forum, Kenny Chesney songs will be played at a volume just loud enough so that attendees will need to raise their voice to speak to the person next to them, but not so loud that the cops tell them to turn it down.

A bartender will also be present on the left side of the stage so the boys can keep their buzz going.

Several rules will be enforced during the debate in order to make sure the panel remains respectful, such as requiring the losers having to buy the next case of Natty.

During the debate, a dress code of pastel khakis and plaid button up shirts is mandatory, so that the debaters at the front of the room can feel like they are at any old bar in Oxford.

Upon entering, attendees will be asked who they know at the forum. If they cannot name anyone, they will be labeled a “narc” and kicked out, unless their dad is an executive at a bank and can get the organizers an interview there.

“In the age of Trump, we at the Forum want everyone to feel like they can express their own political ideas,” said Jenkins. “The best way to do that is to get a couple of white guys yelling at each other about the meaningless score of a backyard game where you throw bags filled with corn kernels at slanted wooden boards.”

seriomp@miamioh.edu

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