Don’t call them back

This is a tried-and-true spooky prank that children across generations have enjoyed. There is no better punch line than the inevitable “Where are you? Please call us back. We’re worried,” text that is on its way. Have your friends join in on the gag by frantically calling your folks asking about your whereabouts. What fun! Nothing better than pranking your mom and dad a little bit this Halloween.

 

Join a Nickelback cover band

There is nothing scarier than Canadian rock band Nickelback. Your parents will not know what to do with themselves when they see you up on stage, gyrating your hips and committing tax fraud. Known on the streets as the kings of white collar crime, this shady Canadian crowd is sure to alarm even the least caring of parents. Grunge is a road few go down and survive. Sorry Mom and Dad, this is the real me now!

 

Elope

Oops, did you want to walk me down the aisle, Dad? Well, too bad! Ashlan and I fled to Minnesota and eloped. Is this marriage gonna last? No. But the sting of being abandoned by your offspring will live forever in the hearts of your parents. This classic gag has become a staple of parent pranking and remains effective even today. Sometimes too effective. Dad, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry.

 

Eat with your elbows on the table

What could be more horrifying than realizing you failed as a parent? Your folks will dismay at your cultural faux pas. Tarnishing your prestigious heritage by bringing table-etiquette shame to your family name is all a part of the game. Be warned, for your host may be so insulted that they challenge you to ritual combat which, unless you’re familiar with flintlock and steel, will likely lead to your death (which could be a fun prank, too!)

 

Expose Secrets about the U.S. Government

Be a true patriot this October and reveal governmental secrets to the public. Any avenue of communication works, as the government has  eyes everywhere. The FBI will surely descend upon you and your family, which will give your parents the spook of a lifetime! If you were to say, for example, a xxxxxx xxxx xxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxx Iowa xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxx xxxxxx x and xxxx xxx xxxxx the xxxxxxx the xxxxx xxxxxxx x 1945 xxxxx xxx xxxxxxxxx xxx x xxxx w vaccine xxxxx xxx xxxxxxxxx xxxx xx xxxxx x xx, you could get into really big trouble.

 

THE CONTENTS OF THIS ARTICLE ARE ENTIRELY A WORK OF SATIRICAL FICTION, BUT ARE IN NO WAY FUNNY, AND SHOULD BE FORGOTTEN QUICKLY.

bertrant@miamioh.edu

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