Adults in revolt: old is the new young

By Graham von Carlowitz, Opinion Editor I rose last Wednesday morning to the singular sound of hammer against steel. I wished to open my window and show the construction workers my wobbling fist in protest, but I had to stop on my way to the window. “Rain,” I said to myself. “It’s going to rain today.” I forgot about the hammers and limped to my morning routine of teeth brushing, which inevitably turns into a self-led contest of scary face-making, followed by massaging my aching knees. It used to be that only one — the left — would send...

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At the intersection of coffee and roadkill

By Graham von Carlowitz, Opinion Editor I was racing along route 84 the other day — one of the roads I frequent when cruising about in my hometown —  all the while considering how many times I’ve driven the road. At the ripe old age of 15, I learned to drive suspiciously slowly through Kirtland Hills, right where the cop hides behind the water tower. I learned to stop looking for the house I lived in when I was born, as a) it is hidden behind a thick canopy of houses, hidden for none to see and b) the...

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Thefts at Heritage Commons lead to admiration of culprits’ work

By Graham von Carlowitz, Opinion Editor Six bananas. That’s the heftiest haul I’ve carried out this year and the most demonic act of thievery I’ve ever committed. The dining halls don’t warn against stealing anything at all, which means I probably have the worry-free chance to fill a mop bucket with ice cream and leave the scene of the crime unscathed. But I might have bigger plans. I got the idea of using a mop bucket — another item I would have to steal — from some up-and-coming bandits of Heritage Commons, where I live. Apparently, these mysterious figures’...

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