Angela Hatcher

Guess who’s back? Back again. Tell your friends. It’s me, kids. I simply couldn’t resist the opportunity to get back behind the proverbial mic and start ranting about my thoughts on a particular upcoming “holiday,” namely, Valentine’s Day. Let me be the first to say that the fact this day is a thing is stupid. It’s so stupid. Do we really need to take one day out of the year to throw chocolates, flowers and pink, heart-shaped paraphernalia at our lovers? Or, for all the single ladies, sitting and sobbing into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food while watching “P.S. I Love You” and looking at pictures of your ex on Instagram? I speak from experience on that last one. No shame. I’m convinced that Valentine’s Day solely exists so couples can have competitions amongst themselves to see who has the best significant other. For example, last year, a girl I know — let’s call her Bridgette (note: not a fan of Bridgette) — went on Instagram and Snapchat tirades, forcing her love for her boyfriend down everyone’s throats. Bridgette’s boyfriend (let’s call him Chad; Chad and Bridgette sounds good, right?) took her to Hawaii (FREAKING HAWAII) for Valentine’s Day 2017. Chad rented a sailboat (A FREAKING SAILBOAT) and decorated the whole damn thing with rose petals. They had copious amounts of champagne and strawberries waiting for...