I need to get some input on my current dilemma. I have this “boyfriend” … I put boyfriend in quotes because he isn’t really my boyfriend. This guy is someone that I liked to have fun with on the weekends around 2 a.m., if you know what I mean. We have had this routine of “hanging out” for almost 2 years now. Recently, he has been acting sort of weird, not responding to late night texts, snapchats, etc. However, he hits me up every once in a while and everything is totally normal. I really want to keep hanging out with this guy but I can’t help but think I’m just hurting myself! Should I ditch him? And if I do, how do I find a new “boyfriend?”
Should I stay or Should I go?
Dear Should I stay or Should I go,
My first reaction to this — kick his ass to the curb.
This situation is all too familiar. The feeling that the guy you’re seeing is your “boyfriend” without the title or commitment, the 2 a.m. weekend sex that is the highlight of your week, the internal tug of war of “Do I stay because it’s convenient and consistent, or do I move on because he’s kind of a dick?”
I wish I had listened to my friends when they gave me this advice, so I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is what you need to hear. And for those of you who are used to some classic Angela zingers, look away now, because it’s about to get real.
The reality of the situation is that he’s using you. Perhaps you’re using each other — I’m sure you get something out of hanging out with him too. But trust me when I say that the levels of care are so disproportionate in this relationship that it’s almost comical. And if the scales are out of whack, it’s time to say goodbye.
Quite frankly, I don’t like how he thinks that this can all be on his terms. He leaves you hanging nine times out of 10, but you’re supposed to answer at his every beck and call? I think not.
Even if you’re just looking for a bang-buddy, you deserve someone who will at least respond to your messages and say, “Hey, I’m busy tonight, how about next Friday?”
You deserve someone who is down for something casual, provided that’s what you want, but will still treat you like the damn princess that you are. It doesn’t need to be hearts and flowers, but a McDonald’s run after morning sex, a simple hello when you see each other on your way to class and the decency to care enough to see how you are every once in a blue moon wouldn’t hurt.
And while on the subject of bang buddies, let me just address this now. There is a horrible notion on this campus and perhaps in society as a whole that you’re allowed to treat the person you’re having sex with like a piece of trash. No strings attached is not an excuse or justification for a guy to treat you like anything less than a friend. Hence the term fuck “buddy.”
You can be friends with the person and in fact, you should be. It’s so much easier when you’re good enough friends with someone to talk about these things, to open up the lines of communication.
The point of having a bang-buddy is to have someone to have a good time with, both inside and outside the bedroom. You don’t have to be “dating” (I know that’s a big scary world to a lot of people, myself included), but there’s nothing wrong with going to grab lunch or see a movie.
You are hurting yourself at this point. It’s time to move on because there’s someone bigger (wink wink) and better on the horizon for you. Don’t hang around waiting for this loser to text you at 2 a.m. this Saturday. You deserve better.
As for how to find a new “boyfriend,” don’t start looking on Tinder, don’t start looking Uptown and at the bars. Start with the cute kid sitting across for you in your PoliSci class. Start with that guy in line behind you at Starbucks. You’ll be surprised what you find when you stop looking and start seeing.
So start by saying goodbye. Don’t make the mistake of staying around and regretting it like I did.